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Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the Official Cake of 2020!
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Being alone in the toilet is a reminder that you're always alone when shiт goes down.
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Chiste de las dos plabras que abren puertas La gran lección del padre de Jaimito Запомни тези 2 думи, защото те ти отварят всички врати в живота: Sólo hay dos palabras en el mundo que te abrirán muchas puertas. Jale y empuje. Ay solo 2 palabras que te Abren las puertas cuales Son jale y empuje Do you know the most important words that could open a lot of doors in your life? Push and Pull.
Remember these two words. They will open up the doors in your life.
Push and pull.
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Провела 40 минут на велотренажёре. Ощущения - супер! В следующий раз попробую крутить педали... Днес прекарах 40 минути на велотренажора.
Just spent 45 minutes on the treadmill.
Tomorrow му goal is to turn it on
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Beyond sausage
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I was at the supermarket and I was at the check-out
Checkout: "£2.04p please"
Me: "Sorry this is all I've got", as I handed them a £20 note.
Checkout: "Haven't you got anything smaller, 'because it will take all my change, and I don't wanna count out £17.96", as they replied pulling a grumpy face.
Me: "I'll pay by card, shall I pay by card" ?
Checkout: "Don't do me no favours" they snapped.
(I kept my cool and just put my PIN in.)
Checkout: "Cash back", they asked very sarcastically.
I couldn't stop myself... Me: "Oh yes, £17.96 please"
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Summer is comming
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A fine example of sophisticated British humour
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My hobbies include eating and also thinking about the next time I will be eating
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When you are having a dispute with the neighbour ..
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Sometimes you meet someone and you know from the first moment that you want to spend your whole life without them.
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Memes in 3100 be Iike: If you've lived on this planet, your childhood was awesome
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You know the romance is over when you come to bed, ready to make love to your wife, and she is on the phone, and she tells whoever she is talking to that she will call them back in a couple minutes.
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Ебал съм го Последната мисъл на всеки българин непосредствено преди да вземе изключително важно решение е "Бе ебал съм го! ".
"fuск it" tends to be the last thought running through my mind before making any final decisions
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This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.
He immediately phoned the police, who asked,
"Is someone in your house?" and George said,
"No," and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.
George said,
"Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."
Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said,
"I thought you said there was nobody available!"
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Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
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I regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes. But that's Heinz sight for you.
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My friend just got unfairly sacked from the job he loved and wants to know what he can do about it. He doesn’t want to name the company but he’s been an accountant from the age of 22 and just turned 30 before he was sacked for no apparent reason yesterday - he says he just feels completely betrayed and that it’s been an absolute waste of 17 years
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