A guy walks into a bathroom, sits down, and notices three buttons in front of him marked, WW, WA, and ATR. Curiosity gets the better of him so he decides to press WW. Suddenly, warm water sprays up his rear. “Mmmm,” he says to himself. “That was good.” So he presses WA and a jet of warm air dries his backside. “Mmmm. Nice!” So finally he can’t resist pressing the ATR button. The next thing he knows, he is waking up in a hospital ward just as the nurse is entering the room. “Nurse, Nurse! Where am I? What happened?” The nurse replies, “You must have missed the sign to not press the ATR button.”
“What does ATR mean exactly?” says the guy. “Automatic Тамроn Remover. Your testicles are under your pillow.”
Little Red Riding Hood is on her way to granny’s, when she spots the wolf crouched behind a tree. “My, Mr. Wolf, what big paws you have,” she begins, but the wolf runs off. Further down the path she sees the wolf crouched behind a rock and she stares in, “My, Mr. Wolf, what big teeth you have.” The wolf stands up and runs away. Finally at granny’s, Red sees the wolf peeking around from the backyard and she pipes up, “My Mr. Wolf,” to which the wolf yells, “Would you fuск off, I’m trying to take a sh*t!”
A girl says,
"I'm having heart surgery today." The boy says,
"I know." The girl says,
"I love you!" The boy says,
"I love you more, much much more!" After the surgery, when the girl woke up, only her father was next to her bed. The girl says,
"Where is he?" The father responded, "You don't know who gave you the heart?" The girl says,
"What???" and starts crying. The father says,
"I'm just kidding, he went to the bathroom."
Bob, Rob, and Robert live on the six hundredth floor of an apartment building. One day, the elevators are broken, so they have to take the stairs. To entertain themselves, they decide that for the first 200 floors, Bob will tell happy stories, for the middle 200 floors, Rob will tell funny stories, and for the last 200 floors, Robert will tell sad stories. On the 401st floor, Robert says,
"Here's my sad story: I left our apartment's keys in the car."
The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney and a farmer with a воdily injury claim. It came from a Houston, Texas insurance agent.
Attorney:
"At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable you had never felt better in your life?"
Farmer:
"That's right."
Attorney:
"Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon?"
Farmer:
"When the constable arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, my dog, who was all banged up, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words to say."