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Dark Humor

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I saw a sign on the side of the road the other day that said, 'Tiredness can кill.' I didn't know that. Last Saturday, I stayed up all night watching movies. I could have died.
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A lot of things can кill you now. Ain't this ridiculous? Mosquitoes can кill you now. Do you know how mad I would be if I died from a mosquito bite? I'm a black man, grew up on the south side of Chicago. I've avoided drug dealers, gang bangers, sickle cell, high blood pressure, the police -- and now a mosquito gonna take me out?
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Good-bye cookies, hello diabetes!
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Tombstone engraving: I TOLD you I was sick!
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C'est un type qui sort de chez le docteur. Il appelle l'ascenseur - Doctore
An old man is walking in the hospital and talks to himself:
- Aquarius?... no, no no... was it gemini?... naaah...
Young doctor cant stand it anymore and walks to him:
- Cancer grandpa, you got cancer!
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Майка - акула инструктира малкото си акулче как се лови човек: Учела значи старата Голямата акула към малката: Haifisch-Papa und Haifisch-Sohn unterhalten sich: A mother shark is teaching her young how to eat humans. Мама-акула учит акулёнка правильно есть людей: Ανέκδοτο Τοπ: Μπαμπάς καρχαρίας προς γιό… Маленький акуленок говорит маме: Ο μπαμπάς καρχαρίας εκπαιδεύει τον νεαρό καρχαρία Dois enormes tubarões brancos observam os sobreviventes de um naufrágio. — Siga-me Vater und Sohn Hai drehen ihre Runden um ein paar Schwimmer. Sagt Sohn Hai: "Wann fressen wir die"? Vater Hai: "Noch eine Runde Twee grote witte haaien zwemmen in de oceaan en spotten twee overlevenden van een gezonken schip. "Volg me zoon
A mom shark is teaching her son how to hunt swimmers Properly.
“So, first you go and circle them making sure your fin is showing. And Then you go at them full blast and eat them.”
“OK, but why don’t I just go at them full blast and eat them right Away?”
“I guess you could, son, but would you really want to eat them with all That shiт in their intestines?”
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- Иванчо I will always remember my grandpa’s last words: Stop shaking the ladder you cunt! I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?” Ik zal nooit de laatste woorden van mijn opa aan mij vergeten vlak voordat hij stierf. Houd je de ladder nog steeds vast?
I will never forget my dad’s last words:
“Will you stop playing with the bow, Nicholas?!”
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See also:
New Dark Jokes
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Yo Mama Jokes
|
Redneck Jokes
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Our best first:
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Of course God exist. How else could those foolish atheists explain that my girlfriend got pregnant without us ever sleeping together?
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I went fishing for the first time. I learnt that fish can breakdance. Only for 1-2 minutes, but still.
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Dracula visits his doctor and says, “Doctor, I’m really worried. For a while now, there was no blood in my stool.”
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Husband approaches his wife, “Jenny, I think I have a problem.”
Jenny smiles at him kindly, “Darling, your problems are my problem also. Trouble shared is trouble halved. Tell me.”
“OK, “ says the husband, “in that case, we got the neighbor pregnant.”
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Δάσκαλος και μαθητής Японска школа за пилоти-камикадзе. Ein Terroristenführer ruft seine Auszubildenden zu einer Demonstration zusammen. Nachdem er allen gezeigt hat wie die Weste mit dem Sprengstoff anzuziehen ist und der Zünder eingerichtet wird Naquela escola de treinamento para Kamikazes L’istruttore della scuola di terroristi sta tenendo la lezione sul come si usano le bombe negli attentati kamikaze. Entra in aula tutto imbottito di tritolo mentre mostra il detonatore che ha in... Kamikáze oktató az újoncoknak: - Jól figyeljenek
Kamikaze pilot instructor:
“OK, listen up, and listen up closely. I don’t want to have to repeat myself to you again tomorrow!”
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I saw my wife at the dam yesterday.
Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
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- Am I beautiful, George?
- You’re like the Sun! It’s painful looking at you.
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Ein Kannibale im Flugzeug Στο πλοίο Богат папуас пътува в първа класа на луксозен параход. Ein Kannibale fliegt zum ersten mal. Die Stewardes kommt vorbei und fragt: Este es un caníbal que va en avión Resulta que un caníbal viajaba en un avión O canibal entra no gigantesco restaurante do transatlântico de luxo. Um garçom vem atendê-lo: — Gostaria de ver o menu Was sagt der Kannibale zum Kellner Der Kannibalenhäuptling ist Ehrengast auf dem Traumschiff. Als man ihm die Speisekarte reicht Va un canibal en un avión y la azafata le pregunta: ¿Quiere que le traiga el menú? A lo que el canibal responde: No mejor traigame la lista de pasajeros. ¿Y como llama un canibal a un directorio... Un caníbal va en un avión Kannibalen var på flytur. Etter en stund kom flyvertinnen bort til ham og spurte: – Har De lyst til å se menyen? Da svarte kannibalen: – Nei takk Kannibalen sidder i flyet In un aereo un cannibale guarda il menu ma non trova nulla che gli piaccia. Chiama allora la hostess e le dice: “Signorina Un grand chef cannibale prend pour la première fois l’avion. À midi Un canibal călătorea cu avionul. Stewardesa îl întreabă: - Ce aţi dori să serviţi de mîncare? La care canibalul: - Îmi aduceţi Un canibal calatoreste Cu avionul. Stewardesa il intreaba: - Cu ce va pot servi? - Pai Viaja un canibal en un avión Un cannibalale prend l'avion pour la première fois. Pour le déjeuner l'hôtesse lui demande ce qu'il veut manger. - Pourriez-vous m'apporter la liste des passager Um canibal vai viajar de avião Insotzitoarea de zbor il intreaba pe un canibal daca doreshte sa consulte meniul. Canibalul cere lista pasagerilor....
What does a cannibal say to the waiter in a restaurant on a cruise ship?
“Please bring me the passenger list.”
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My grandpa came back from the war with one leg.
We still don’t know whose leg it is.
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