Disability Jokes and Disabled Jokes

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In my spare time I like to help blind people… I’m great with a slingshot.

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All my of my 15 psychiatrists say that I have an addictive persolality.

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What are the only 2 electrical devices you should always leave on overnight? Fridges and life support machines, it would be a shame to waste all those vegetables.

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I don’t know what’s involved with training for these Paralympics but it looks fuскing dangerous. Lots of them have lost limbs.

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“Jump in and I’ll take you home,” I said to my dwarf neighbour, who was sat at the bus stop today.
“Рiss off!” he replied.
“Suit yourself then,” I said, as I zipped up my backpack and continued with my walk.

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Got a great book of Ebay “How To Improve Your memory”
But for the life of me I can not remember where I left the fuскing thing

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How do you confuse Stevie Wonder?
Glue a doorknob to the wall.

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“Mrs. Johnson, can Johnny come out and play baseball?” …
“Children, I have never heard such a crude and cruel remark. You know Johnny was a thalidomide baby and has no arms and no legs.” …
“We know, Mrs. Johnson. We just wanted to use him as second base!”

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“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in Braille

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A мidgет goes into a chemist’s shop and says, “I want the biggest соndом you have.”
The chemist gets out the largest they do and the мidgет says, “That’s not big enough. What about the one outside?”
The chemist replies, “Well that’s only for advertising purposes and isn’t for sale.”
“Name your price,” said the мidgет.
So the chemist eventually sells him this large rubber prop for £50. The мidgет then stretches it all over his body until he’s completely covered.
“What do you think?” he asks.
The chemist looks embarrassed and says, “Well actually you look like a big рriск.”
“Thank fсuкing goodness for that,” said the мidgет. “I’m tired of being called little сunт!”

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If you’re feeling down, park in a handicap space and soon a bunch of strangers will tell you that there’s nothing wrong with you!

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Call it a hunch…
But I’m pretty sure I have an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine.

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I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into sеxuаl positions.
Apparently that’s “immoral behavior” for a special needs teacher.

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Midgets; What they lack in body, they make up in forehead.

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I saw a bloke let his dog walk straight out in front of a lorry this morning.
The cruel сunт didn’t even flinch when it was killed. He was too busy standing round, trying to look cool in his sunglasses.

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What do you call a party with 25 midgets ?
A little get together.

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I was talking to a mate the other day who has a really bad lisp. He was telling me how he shagged a рrоsтiтuте and ended up with a “severe case of syphilis”.
I left the conversation thinking only one thing - if it can be transmitted through saliva then I’m fcuked.

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Watching the Paralympics recently made me wonder…
If this lot can run faster than I can, swim better than I can, lift heavier weights than I can then;
Why the fuск do they need to park closer to the shops than me?

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