Good jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular

A pessimist sees he’s gone bald.
An optimist sees he’s greatly improved his aerodynamic qualities.

0

0

Why was Adam the happiest guy ever?
Because Eve didn’t have a mother.

0

0

“I have a weakness for you,” she said to the little baby, stroking its smooth cheek.
“And I have social anxiety.”
“And I acne,” joined in the other two fairy godmothers gathered around the crib.

0

0

Why is the hour-hand on a clock usually somewhat thicker?
Less movement.

0

0

On paper, communism sounds like a pretty good idea.
Unless what you’re reading is an actual history book.

0

0

I hit some low times, but I won’t let that stop me from throwing parties. And we’re not having any box-wine, thank you. It will be a lovely cardbordeaux.

0

0

What is a surefire way to make a small fortune in a casino?
You invest a large fortune.

0

0

“Fred, something happened to me yesterday. Something that I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy!”
“Oh no, what happened?!”
“I won ten million bucks!!!!!”

0

0

When does a car stop being a car?
The second it turns into a driveway.

0

0

A wife comes home in the morning and tells the husband that she spent the night at her best friend’s. The husband then calls 10 of her best friends and finds out she didn’t spend the night in any of their homes.
A husband comes home in the morning and tells the wife he spent the night at his best friend’s. The wife calls 10 of his best friends and finds out he spent the night at 7 of them while the other 3 swear he’s still sleeping on the couch.

0

0

A wife comes home and the husband asks her where she’d been so long.
“At a beauty parlor,” replies the wife. The husband looks at her closely, “Well, it’s the effort that counts.”

0

0

We spent a month on holiday and it only rained twice! First for ten days, then for nineteen.

0

0

Hillary Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, she invites the children to ask her some questions.
Kevin raises his hand and says, “I have three questions, Mrs. Clinton.
1. Did you intimidate the victims of your husband’s lusт?
2. What really went on with the Benghazi attack?
3. How do you defend the list of controversial contributors to the Clinton Foundation?
Suddenly the веll rings for break and the children run about their business. After the break they come back and the Q and A period resumes. Joel raises his hand and says, “I have five questions, Mrs. Clinton.
1. Did you intimidate the victims of your husband’s lusт?
2. What really went on with the Benghazi attack?
3. How do you defend the list of controversial contributors to the Clinton Foundation?
4. Why did the веll go off 20 minutes earlier?
5. Where is Kevin?

0

0

You can’t beat Scottish summer.
Best early August Wednesday afternoon you’ll ever experience.

0

0

Ah, when it comes to cliffhanger endings, I always say,

0

0

Personal financial situation: Just finished rinsing a few paper cups.

0

0

Facebook is much like a fridge. You visit every 10 minutes, even though you know there’s nothing worth it in there.

0

0

I’m a superb multitasker. I’ve no problem wasting time, money and life’s opportunities all at the same time!

0

0