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I know that I'm fат but I’d be really rich in Britain. There they measure their wealth in pounds.

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Two egotists started a fight. It was an I for an I.

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I don’t want to cut my hair! I’m really attached to it!

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Toilet paper plays an important role in my life.

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When does a car perform at its worst?
When it's not tired.

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Why did the octopus blush?
He’d just seen the bottom of the ocean!!!!

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Why are programmers no fans of the outdoors?
There are too many bugs.

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Have you heard about this dude who had to have his left leg and left arm amputated after a car crash? -- He's all right now.“

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What would you call a fish with a missing eye?
A fsh, probably.

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Two wi-fi antennas got married last Saturday. The reception was fantastic.

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Why don’t teddy bears ever really eat at their picnics? - Because they’re already stuffed.

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Is it really wise to invest with somebody called a "broker"?

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I was kind of bored lately so I decided to take up fencing.
But the neighbors are threatening to call the police unless I put it down again.

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Does your wife scream when she is coming?
No, my wife has a key to the door.

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Would you mind if I took a picture of you nакеd?
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Sure, why not – if it isn’t too cold for you here?

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Why didn’t the toilet paper go down the water slide like everybody else?
Well, he got stuck in the сrаск.

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Coffee is the silent victim in our house. It gets mugged every day.

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They’re building a restaurant on Mars now. They say the food will be great, but they’re worried about a lack of atmosphere.

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