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I wonder why there aren’t any more cemeteries around. People are really dying to get in there.

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I saw an offer in a shop.
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“TV for $4.50 – the volume is stuck on maximum"
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It was an offer I simply couldn’t turn down.

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Why is life in North Korea so hard?
Because North Korea lost its Seoul.

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I cannot stand insect puns.
They bug the heck out of me.

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I owe a lot to the sidewalks. They’ve been keeping me off the streets for years.

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Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make up everything!

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Imagine if you would hit the clock in the morning and the clock would hit you right back.
I think it would be truly alarming.

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There’s a special type of people who are always in a hurry.
The Rushians.

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I spent days making a wooden car with wooden wheels. It just wooden work.

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Thank you, my arms, for always being there by my side.

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Aim for the stars! But first take care of the bodyguards.

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What do you receive when you ask a lemon for help?
Lemonaid.

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What is a typical diet of a sea monster?
Fish and ships.

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What should a proper lawyer wear to a court?
A good law suit.

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I forgot to turn off the oven yesterday, but it's OK - I just got some Darth Vader cookies. A bit on the dark side.

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When you get depressed in the middle of winter, just chuck some butter from your window.
You’ll see a butterfly.

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Somebody stole all my lamps. I couldn’t be more delighted.

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My girlfriend bet me I’d never be able to build a car out of spaghetti. She sure looked surprised as I drove pasta.

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