Irish jokes

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Alex an Aussie builder was going through a house he had just built for the woman who owned it.
She was telling him what colour to paint each room.
They went into the first room and she said "I want this room to be painted a light blue."
The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" 
When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be bright red.
The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" 
When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be tan.
The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" 
When he came back, the lady was pretty curious, so she asked him "I keep telling you colours, but you go out the front and yell 'green side up' - what is that for?"
The builder said, "Oh don't worry about that, I've just got a couple of Kiwi's laying the turf out front."
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Раddy goes to the patent office, having invented a new mouse trap. It consists of a ramp with a razor blade at the top, set at right angles. Below the drop is a piece of cheese.
Patent officer: “How does it work then?”
Paddy: “Quite straightforward. The mouse walks up the ramp. When he leans over to get the cheese his neck goes onto the razor blade and it slits his throat”.
Patent officer: “Sтuрid giт! There wouldn’t be nearly enough pressure to slit its throat. Get out of my office and don’t come back until you’ve perfected it.
After months of head scratching Раddy makes a single but vital modification: he removes the cheese. He proudly returns to the patent office and puts the trap on the desk.
Patent officer:OK, smart аrsе, enlighten me.
Paddy:Simple. Mouse walks up the ramp, leans over onto the razor blade and slits his throat…
Patent officer:Fuск off, that’s exactly the same as before.
Paddy: No, no. This time he moves his head from side to side saying where’s the fuскing cheese ?
Job done.
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Сидят три англичанина в баре. Вдруг видят: ирландец. Один говорит: Three English men were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. One guy said he was going to piss him off. He walked o Седят си трима англичани в бара. По едно време виждат 1 ирландец. Единият казва: - Сега ще отида да му разкажа играта! Отива при ирландеца: - Знаеш ли Lors d'un match du tournoi des cinq nations Egy ír és három angol üldögél a pubban. Azt mondja az első angol: - Uraim
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- Docteur Un homme Чоловік дзвонить у швидку: — У моєї дружини перейми! Що робити? — Скажіть
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Свадба и погреб Τι διαφορά έχει ένας Ιρλανδέζικος γάμος με μια Ιρλανδέζικη κηδεία; Питали радио Ереван Was ist der Unterschied zwischen einer russischen Hochzeit und einer russischen Beerdigung? Bei der Beerdigung gibt es einen Besoffenen weniger What is the difference between an Russian wedding and an Russian funeral? One less drunk. Quelle est la différence entre un mariage irlandais et un enterrement irlandais? - à l'enterrement il y en a un de moins de bourré. - Яка різниця між російським весіллям та російськими похоронами? - На похоронах на одного п'яного менше ...
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