Morbid jokes

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I was walking through the cemetery the other day when a thought crossed my mind.
Call me a sentimental old fool if you like, but I couldn't resist it.
I texted my ex saying 'wish you were here'.

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Q: What's faster than the speed of light?
A: A jew passing Germany.

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Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout?
A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.

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What is the difference between hiтlеr and Michael phelps
Michal phelps can finish a race

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I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.

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I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins.
I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

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It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

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I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put down.

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I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.

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What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.

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You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

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I childproofed my house. Somehow they still got in!

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What did Kermit the Frog say at his puppeteer’s funeral? Not a word.

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The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.

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