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Most popular
How was the red sea made?
Over a very long period.
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I can’t help but be disappointed at the brand new Rolex I received for my birthday from the lеsвiаn couple next door. …
I think they misunderstood when I said, “I wanna watch.”
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I know a lot of clever jokes about umbrellas, but they usually go over peoples heads.
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I went into a pub and said to the guy serving, ‘How much is a pint of lager?’
He replied, ‘Five hundred and sixty-eight millilitres.’
Sarcastic barsteward.
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A man ended up in hospital today, covered in wood and hay, with a horse inside him.
His condition is described as stable.
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Three houses are next to each other. A red house is on the left. A blue house is on the right. Where's the white house?
In Washington DC!
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If you suск at playing the trumpet, that’s probably why.
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Just found out that ‘Aaarrrrggghhh’ is not a real word.
I can’t even tell you how angry I am
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I’ve just rареd a rетаrdеd virgin.
Pure and simple.
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Starbucks and Ноотеrs should merge. Can you imagine ordering a Double D Latte?
Everything you need in a cup or two.
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What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
You can’t violin with the electric meter
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H G Wells walked into a library and asked for a book on Time Travel.
“Вuggеr off”said the librarian, “you didn’t bring it back”
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A boy is born without a body and miraculously survives. Even though he has no body parts below the neck he manages to make it through high school and on his 18th birthday his father takes him out for his first drink. …
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The boy drinks his first вееr and instantly grows a torso. In utter shock, the father quickly asks the bartender for another вееr. The bartender reluctantly pours the boy another drink. After chugging it, the boy suddenly sprouts a left arm. …
…
Very eager and excited, the father orders another drink. The bartender stated that 2 is enough for a boy’s first time and that he shouldn’t go overboard. The father is furious at the remark and demands that he give his son another round. After a big sigh, the bartender hands the boy another вееr. In a matter of seconds, the boy downs the bottle and grows a right arm.
The entire bar is enraptured at this point and begin chanting for one more вееr. The bartender flat out refuses. In a storm of frustration and excitement, the father jumps the counter and grabs a bottle of whiskey. The boy drinks the bottle dry and instantly grows two legs.
On his newly gained legs the boy stumbles out of the bar into the street and is hit by a truck and killed on impact.
The entire bar is in silence.
“Well,” says the bartender, “I guess he should have quit while he was ahead.”
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The worst pub I’ve ever been to was called The Fiddle.
It really was a vile inn.
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My new book I wrote on Poltergeists is flying off the shelves.
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It’s been over 20 years since Lorena Bobbitt whacked off her husband’s johnson. Here’s a recap:
“Lorena left her apartment with the severed реnis, drove a short while, then rolled down the car window and threw it into a field. Then she stopped and called 911. After an exhaustive search of the field, it was located, packed in ice, and taken to the hospital where her husband was being treated. Surgery to re-attach the реnis took over 9 hours.”
Well, the city council has purchased that field and is “erecting” a monument and an exclusive club on the property.
It will be for members only.
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The woman next door was flashing me from her upstairs bedroom .
How she got her car in there I’ll never know.
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Suicide Bombers…… What makes them tick?
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