Play on words | Double meaning jokes

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I recently took up meditation…..
It beats sitting around doing nothing

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Did you hear about the man who opened a yacht showroom?
Sales went through the roof.

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One good turn gets most of the blankets.

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In an attempt to cut down on Americanisms, I’ve been replacing all my Z’s with S’s.
On the downside, I now go to bed and wake up feeling deflated.

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Yoda is working at a hotel as a concierge and a man walks up to the desk.
Yoda: Hello, welcome, you are.
Man: Hi, I’d like to book a triplex for the weekend.
Yoda: Sorry I am, only duplex we have.
Man: Are you sure? I really need the triplex.
Yoda:
“du or du not, there is not tri”

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I invented the upside down house.
It’s now a top cellar.

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I’m selling books on how to avoid saying the wrong thing and getting into fights.
Who wants some?

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Eric is a pimply-faced farm boy who has just turned 16. His father takes him into town to take his written driver’s теат and the RoadTest.
During the Road Test, the Driver’s License Examiner asks Eric to “Turn Left,”
“Stop,”
“Parallel Park”
“Turn Right,” and so forth.
Finally, the Examiner selects a deserted stretch of roadway and says, “Son, can you make a U-Turn?”
Without hesitation, Eric replies, “Hey I can make her eyes water too!”

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I have a contact lens problem.
I have no contact lens solution.

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I come from a musical family.
Even our sewing machine was a singer.

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I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said, “I want to sue the airline.”
“You don’t have much of a case,” he replied.

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Sometimes, my secretary reminds me of my wife.
I was unbuttoning her shirt the other day during our lunch break when she says
“Remember, you have a wife.”

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Last night instead of feeding my rabbit , I went out clubbing got really рissеd and took drugs……I really let my hare down

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I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from.
Then it dawned on me.

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Me and my wife had a huge row yesterday.
We love our new kayak.

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Vanish- ‘The World’s Number 1 Stain Remover’
Is there a number 2 stain remover? My boxer shorts are absolutely fuскеd.

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We choose to маsтurвате, not because it is easy, but because it is hard.

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What’s the most common operation in a LEGO hospital?
Plastic surgery.

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