Play on words | Double meaning jokes

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………. the suspension is killing me.

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What do you call a Broadway production performed on a huge scrabble board?
A play on words!

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My missus said “where’s that real2real record gone from the shelf, it keeps disappearing”
“I like to move it?” I said

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I’m having trouble finding a route to my rich aunt’s funeral,
Oh well, where there’s a will… there’s a way

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I’m thinking of starting a new business. Because of the high tax rate here in the USA I have decided to explore abroad.
Unfortunately, it’s mid-week at my local watering-hole and female patronage is rather low so I will have to wait to do my exploring on Friday and Saturday night.

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What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

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I was surprised when my psychic friend complimented me on the way I had cooked his steak. “Well done” is rare from a medium.

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Why does Gaza keep firing rockets at Israel?
It keeps them occupied.

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I’m a county coroner and it’s Saturday at the morgue. Gotta do some autopsies.
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I would love to be watching college football on TV and drinking вееr like you lucky dudes.
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I’m a little like you… but I get a bonus.
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I get to сrаск open a cold one while earning time and a half.

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Sеx is a big joke.
I just don’t get it.

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I’ve just bought that new Lynx deodorant - breadcrumb edition. The birds can’t get enough of me!

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Got a tattoo of a digital watch on my wrist.
I regretted it literally one minute later.

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Not to brag, but I’ve satisfied every waitress that’s ever served me.
With just the tip.

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My expertly timed eclipse joke will put all the others in the shade.

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Someone ripped the pages out of both ends of my dictionary today.
It just goes from bad to worse!

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Due to the downturn in the economy my friend has had to close down his salt stall. He’s really feeling the pinch.

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Mixed up my sleeping pills with my Viаgrа.
I ended up having forty wanks.

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I’ve just done 100 press-ups in a row…
The lift attendant looked pretty annoyed.

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