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I’m Not Fuскing Sтuрid ….
…
I mean I used to, but we broke up.
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I’ve been out of work for a while but have just got a job at a factory making periscopes.
Things are looking up.
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Filled the tank up with petrol today.
Now all the fish are dead.
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I wanted to be a gynecologist, but I couldn’t find an opening.
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If Einstein hadn’t come up with the Theory of Relativity, someone else would have.
It was only a matter of time.
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My wife said if I took one more picture of her she’d leave me.
That’s when I snapped.
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It’s my wife birthday coming up and she keeps going on about how bad I am at buying presents. Well this year she’s in for a rude awakening.
I’m buying her a Tourettes alarm clock.
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The heiress to the L’Oreal cosmetics empire has turn to prostitution to make ends meet, putting a $5 million price tag on her services for a single night.
Which is fair enough, because she’s worth it.
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I was speaking to a lad at work called krowski.
I asked, “So are you Polish?”
He said, “No, my great grandad was.”
I said, “Oh, so you’re just a tad pole?”
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The secrets of the baking industry are given out only on a knead to dough basis.
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Do you know what I heard?
Sheep.
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I went into the library and asked if they had a copy of the book, “How to spot a lady-boy”.
He said, “I’m sure we do, it’s probably tucked away somewhere”.
I said “That’s the one”.
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I’ve just become a Professor of Palindromes.
I’m now known as Dr. Awkward.
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I’m 82 and I have the body of a 25-year-old supermodel.
But it takes up too much room in my freezer… any suggestions?
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I had this really funny joke about the sun i was going to tell you all, but some ваsтаrd has made a funnier joke about the moon and totally eclipsed it.
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I and a couple other sand niggеrs rode our camels over to the Sahara Mall today. Camels need exercise, especially in their camel humps, camel legs and camel toes.
Naturally I parked my girlfriend in the Camel Lot.
A sign said, “All camels parked here more than three hours will be towed.”
I and my friends will be gone long before three hours are up, but I’m wondering what type of vehicle they use to do a camel tow.
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I’ve only been in jail for 5 minutes and I’ve already been rареd. …
My uncle doesn’t fuск around when he plays Monopoly.
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What did one boat say to the other?
“Are you up for a little row-mance?”
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