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All I got my wife for her birthday was a mirror.
That’ll show her who’s boss.
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Моsеs was the first person to use Control-C as a shortcut
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How many Dubstep fans does it take to catch a fish?
Three.
One to fish and two to catch the bass as it drops.
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A man walks into a library and asks for a book on ‘How to live life to the full with a 2 inch реnis’.
The librarian says, “That ones just in.”
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My internet bride got delivered today, she’s the WiFi always dreamed of.
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Me and my mates are in a band called Duvet.
We’re a cover band.
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I’m thinking about buying a greyhound, don’t know what the wife is going to say so I’ll run it by her first.
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Me and five of my mates all went to a brothel and all threw fifty pound each into a рот, the winner was whoever could go the longest without сuммing.
I came in a respectable second, which put me in last place.
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I was telling a girl in the pub about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born on just by feeling their вrеаsтs.
“Really?” she said. “Go on then… Try.”
After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.
“Come on,” she demanded, “What day was I born on?”
“Yesterday?” I replied.
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I cut off He-Man’s electricity today.
Now I have the power.
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Why did fans avoid the front row seats at this years Snooker Championships?
The queues were too long.
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My wife went to see a spiritualist last week.
I asked her “how did you rate her?”
She said “medium.”
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I just bought a really expensive car, only to find the reverse gear broken.
There’s no going back now.
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Here’s a bit of advice for you.
Advi.
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My next song is about subtraction.
Take it away…
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I’m considering becoming a mind reader.
What are your thoughts?
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What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Соw! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this…
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There’s a girl on my art course who never does any original work, she copies everything.
We call her Tracey.
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