Play on words | Double meaning jokes

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Q: How do you fix a broken tuba?
A: With a tuba glue.

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Quit my job working for Nike.
I just couldn't do it anymore.

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A drunк walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. The bartender says, "You can stay but don't try to start anything."

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Q: What is brown and sticky?
A: A stick

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Q: Why is England the wettest country?
A: Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.

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Q: Why shouldn't you make fun of a paleontologist?
A: Because you will get Jurasskicked.

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Q: What do you do with a sick boat?
A: Take it to the doc.

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One woman I was dating called and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

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The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

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Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

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I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shiт in days.

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РМS jokes aren't funny, period.

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Jesus said to John, "Come forth and receive eternal life."
He came fifth and received a toaster.

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A Psychic buying clothes..
Employee: How about this one?
Psychic: That shirt is too small.
Employee: You didn’t even try it on.
Psychic: I’m a medium.

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Me: Knock! Knock!
Friend: Who's There?
Me: Daisy! Friend: Daisy Who?
Me: Daisy Me Rollin, They Hatin!!
?•??•???

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What kind of car does a Jedi drive?
A Toy-YODA!

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Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Zany
Zany who?
Zany body home?

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I asked my mate what he was going to get his mum for Mothers’ day.
“Nothing!” he said. “Why do they get a whole day to themselves, why can’t we have a Son Day?”
We do mate, it comes after Saturday.

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