Sick Jokes, Illness Jokes, Death Jokes

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Q: What's blue and doesn't fit?
A: A dead epileptic.

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Chuck Norris once killed a man in New York while practicing Bruce Lee's one inch punch...
Chuck Norris was in San Franscisco at the time.

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Chuck Norris gets younger by the кill.

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Every night while Dave is having dinner his wife Natalie goes to the bedroom turns off the light and makes out with Daves friend Andy by the window.
After some days Dave had doubt and leaving supper he went to the dark room only to hear whispers from the other side of the window.
He pushes Natalie away goes near the window,unties his pant and put his аrsе facing the window.
After a minute Andy puts a kiss on his вuтт cheek and says "Natalie, haven't u brushed ur teeth today?"

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"Killed it" is a figure of speech implying someone stopped the banter.
To Chuck Norris that's just the motto of his life.

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Chuck Norris once strangled a man with the mans own eyelash.

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Every 5 seconds, somewhere in the world, someone dies of Chuck Norris.

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The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.

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Chuck Norris doesn't die... He just sleep in the ground for a little bit.

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Did you hear about the two dumb blonds who went two the drive in theater and froze two death they went two see closed for the winter?

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A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!

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What do you call a women who knows where her husband is each night?
A widow.

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A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors. Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks. When asked he replied miserably, "My wife missed the bus."

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Why did Steve Jobs live his last moments in regret?
They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die.
Unfortunately for Steve Jobs, his iPhone 4S didn't have a Flash player installed!

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What do you call a barn full of dead niggеrs?
Out dated farm equipment.

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Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called the vicar who had married her.
"Reverend," she wailed, "John and I have had a dreadful fight!"
"Calm down, my child," said the Reverend, "it's not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"
"I know, I know!" said Joanna, "but what on earth am I going to do with the body?"

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A large number of Black soldiers died in Iraq war because every time their chief said:
"Get on the floor!" they stood up and started dancing.

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Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fаn?
He got cut off without a scent.

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