Sick Jokes, Illness Jokes, Death Jokes

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Chuck Norris was once part of a knock knock joke.
The Joke ended abruptly when after the first knock the door blew up killing the man behind it.

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I pray for:
Wisdom, To understand a man.
Love, To forgive him and;
Patience, For his moods.
Because if I pray for Strength
I'll just beat him to death.

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English man Irish man Scotch man are in a desert, they got captured by the Germans.
The Germans say, I will give you one thing before you die.
The Englishman man say water, the Scotch man say whiskey, the Irish man says a car door.
The Germans say, why do you want a car door.
The Irish man says, because when it gets hot, it can wind down the window.

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Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead.
Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.

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Chuck Norris actually died 10 years ago.
The grim reaper just hasn't summed up enough courage to face Chuck Norris.

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Why are black people so afraid of ghosts?
Because they are haunted by dead ккк members!

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The saying "Кill two birds with one stone" actually came from when chuck Norris downed two Peregrin Falcons with one roundhouse kick.

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Chuck Norris can кill a man in 52 different ways using only a ballpoint pen.

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Why did sатаn die before judgment day, Chuck hated him.

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Doctor:
"You have cataract in your eyes. But you need not worry It is hereditary."
Patient:
"Death is also hereditary. Does it mean we should not worry about it?"

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Woman patient:
"Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die."
Doctor:
"You did the right thing to call me."

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Charlie Sheen is a drug, it will melt your face and кill you.
Chuck Norris had two 8-Ваlls of Sheen and is now suing for false advertising.

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2PAC once thought he was tougher than Chuck Norris... he was later murdered.

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Chuck Norris hit you tomorrow, is going to hit you yesterday, and you're now dead.

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Chuck Norris can кill a Great White Shark by drowning it.

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Chuck Norris was sitting around a campfire with two cowboys.
The cowboys were competing to see which one is more hаrdсоrе.
The first one says," Once, I was charged by an angry bull. I proceeded to jump on its back and кill it by gorging its eyes out."
The second says, " Once I was swimming in a river, and an annocanda tried to strangle me. I ripped its head off with my teeth."
Chuck norris just smiles and continues tending to the campfire with his реnis.

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George was taking care of a parrot for his aunt.
This parrot was a very nasty parrot.
It cussed and screamed and made fun of George, so he took the parrot and put it in the freezer.
The parrot kept screaming and insulting George until finally it stopped.
George thought to himself, “On no! I froze my aunt’s bird to death.”
He opened the door and saw the bird alive!
The bird said, “I’m sorry for my behaviour and will never act up again.
George said, “Why the change?”
The bird answered, “Because I saw what you did to the other bird."

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Your momma's рussy is so hairy, when your brother was born he died of rugburn.

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