Sick Jokes, Illness Jokes, Death Jokes

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My cousin died last week he needed a blood transfusion but we didnt know his blood type he just kept saying “b positive b positive” but its hard to be positive with him gone

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Why is it so sad that Steve Jobs died?
Everyone at Apple are crying their's out!

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There was a blonde who tried to hang herself and a diffrent blonde came in and saw her hanging from her stomach and said," your supposed to hang yourself from your neck.
And she said," i tried that but i couldnt breath.

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What do you call a chicken that crosses the road without looking both ways?
"Dead."

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In the game "Clue", the мurdеr is always committed by Chuck Norris, with a roundhouse kick, in any room he danged well pleases.

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The whole idea of Jesus dying to pay for our sins is вullshiт.
Jews don't pay for anything.

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Q: How do you know that a dead body found by the side of the road is a nurse?
A: Because its stomach is empty, its bladder is full, and its аss chewed!

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A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. “We were married twenty-five years before he died,” she said, dabbing away a tear. “Never had an argument in all those years.”
“Amazing,” said the councilor. “How did you do it?”
“I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward.”

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Did you hear about the black guy that died on the highway?
- He stuck his head out the window and his lips beat him to death

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It is convenient to be near a hospital when you are injured.
It is also convenient to insult Chuck Norris while standing in an open grave.

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Chuck Norris Killed Medusa with a round house Kick.

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Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face.
Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men.
The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons.
Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face.
There is only one King.

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Yo mama is so black, she died on the sun.

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Chuck Norris can literally кill time.

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Chuck Norris knows who let the dogs out.

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A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man.
He turns to the people around him.
"Why are you all at this man's funeral?"
A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients."
"And you ALL came to pay your respects?
How touching."
"No, we came to make sure he was dead."

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A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up."
Everybody stands up except for a drunк in the corner.
The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?"
The drunк says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now."

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"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Sеамаn, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and рiss on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Sеамаn replied.
"Once, I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!

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