Sick Jokes, Illness Jokes, Death Jokes

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Marvin, was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called Marvin’s Preacher to be with him in his final moments. As the Preacher stood by the bed, Marvin’s condition seemed to deteriorate quickly, and Marvin motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper.
The Preacher quickly got a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Marvin. But before he had a chance to read the note, Marvin died. The Preacher felt that now wasn’t the right time to read the note and put it in his jacket pocket.
While speaking at the funeral, the Preacher suddenly remembered the note. Checking his pocket, the Preacher said, “and you know what, I remembered that right before Marvin died, he handed me a note, and knowing Marvin, I’m sure it was something inspiring that we can all gain from.”
With that introduction, the Preacher pulled the note from his pocket and opened it…
The note said, “HEY, YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!”
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Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain-smoker, and one was a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, “If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die.”
The men left the doctor’s office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice. While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar.
The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and smelling the ale, could not stop himself! . His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead.
His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor’s words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette вuтт lying on the ground, still burning. The homosexual looked at the chain-smoker and said,
“You know if you bend over to pick that up, we’re both dead!”
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