Sick Jokes, Illness Jokes, Death Jokes
A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sеx in quite sometime. She was afraid that there might be something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sеx therapist. Her doctor recommended that she go see Dr. Chang, the well known Chinese sеx therapist, so she did.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, “OK, take off all you crose.”
The woman did as she was told.
Now, get down and craw reery reery fass to odder side of room.”
Again, the woman did as she was instructed.
Dr. Chang then said, “OK, now craw reery reery fass back to me.”
So she did.
Dr. Chang slowly shook his head and said, “Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease, worse case I ever see, dat why you not
Haf sеx or dates.” Confused, the woman asked, “Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what
Is Ed Zachary disease?”
Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eyes and replied, “Ed Zachary disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your аss.”
“Oh God no!” cries the man. “My golfing is over! Please Doc, what’s the good news?”
“The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it’s a woman’s arm. I’ll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant.”
“Go for it doc” says the man. “As long as I can play golf again.”
The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.
“Hi, how’s the new arm?” asks the surgeon.
“Just great,” says the businessman. “I’m playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved.”
“That’s great,” said the surgeon.
“Not only that,” continued the golfer, “my handwriting has improved, I’ve learned how to sew my own clothes and I’ve even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors.”
“Unbelievable!” said the surgeon, “I’m so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?”
“Well, just one problem,” said the golfer. “Every time I get an еrестiоn, I also get a headache.
75 year old rings her local hospital:
‘Hello I’d like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree. She was admitted last week with chest pains and I just want to know if her condition has deteriorated, stabilised, or improved?’
‘Do you know which ward she is in?’
‘Yes, ward P, room 2B’
‘I’ll just put you through to the nurse station.’
‘Hello, ward P, how can I help?’
‘I’d just like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree, I was wondering if her condition had deteriorated, stabilised or improved?’
‘I’ll just check her notes…
I’m pleased to say that Mrs Tiptree’s condition has improved. She has regained her appetite, her temperature has steadied and after some routine checks tonight, she should be well enough to go home tomorrow.’
‘Oh that’s wonderful news, I’m so happy; thank you ever so much!’
‘You seem very relieved. Are you a close friend or relative?’
‘No, I’m Mrs Tiptree in room 2B. Nobody tells you fuск all in here.’