Thanksgivings jokes

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3.
What’s the universal key to a lovely Thanksgiving?
The turkey.

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4.
There’s always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving.
Even if it’s just not being a turkey.

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6.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!

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8.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.

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9.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their вrеаsтs.

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10.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze.

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11.
About two weeks into November, the head turkey turns to his second-in-command and says, “I have a feeling something’s going down. The farmer just unfriended me on Facebook.”

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12.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.

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13.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults. Roast me!”

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14.
If the Pilgrims were still alive today, what would they be celebrated for the most?
Their age.

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15.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.

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16.
“The meal isn’t over when I’m full, the meal is over when I hate myself.” – Louis C. K.

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18.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.

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19.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.

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20.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.

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21.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.

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22.
Brilliant geek joke:
What is the easiest recipe for a pumpkin pie?
Simply divide the pumpkin’s circumference by its diameter.

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24.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.” Stephen Colbert

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