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What do you get when you cross a Doberman with a Sаinт Bernard’s?
A dog that bites you and then goes to fetch help.

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Pet Jokes | Jokes about Dogs

Why do dogs liск their butts?
Because nobody will do it for them.

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Pet Jokes | Jokes about Dogs

A dog thinks, “Wow, the humans are bringing me food every day, they have me live in a nice house away from the cold, they take care of me… They must be gods…”
The cat thinks, “Wow, the humans are bringing me food every day, they have me live in a nice house away from the cold, they take care of me… I must be God!”

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Pet Jokes | Cat jokes | Jokes about Dogs

A dog sits in a bar, sipping a bourbon.
A customer walks up to him and says, “It’s not often that I see a dog drinking bourbon here!”
The dog sniffs, “Yeah, hardly a surprise at these prices.”

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Pet Jokes | Jokes about Dogs

Do you seek a good laugh?
Draw eyebrows on your dog. It works.

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Pet Jokes

Go on, ask a dog how’s life.
He’ll most likely answer, „Ruff! “

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Pet Jokes | Jokes about Dogs

What happens when you cross a rooster, a Cocker Spaniel and a Poodle?
You get a Cockerpoodledoo.

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Pet Jokes

Would you rather have a 250 pound dog chase you or a lion?
Um… I’d rather he chased the lion.

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Pet Jokes | Jokes about Dogs

“I just found out why dogs drink out of the toilet.
My mother said it's because the water is a lot colder in there.
I'm like, How does my mother know that?”
- Wendy Liebman

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Pet Jokes | Jokes about Dogs

Why don’t blind people parachute very often?
It makes their guide dogs really uncomfortable.

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Pet Jokes | Jokes about Dogs

What do you do when you see a rabid dog?
That depends on whether the dog has seen you, too.

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Pet Jokes | Jokes about Dogs

What is the difference between a dog and a mailbox?
[Don’t know]
OK, in that case I think I’ll mail that letter myself, thank you.

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Pet Jokes | Jokes about Dogs

What do you do when you find a 250 pound dog eating from your plate?
Seek medical help.
You’ve been seeing too many 250 pound dogs recently.

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Pet Jokes | Jokes about Dogs

What do you do when you find a 250 pound dog sleeping on your bed?
Quietly go sleep on the sofa.

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Pet Jokes | Jokes about Dogs

What has 4,000 eyes and 8,000 legs?
Two thousand dogs.

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Pet Jokes

What do you mean, my dog was chasing a guy on a bike?
My dog doesn’t ride a bike!

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Pet Jokes | Jokes about Dogs

Life is like a dogsled team.
If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
Lewis Grizzard

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Funny Quotes | Pet Jokes | Jokes about Dogs

When is a mom flea happy?
When her whole family has gone to the dogs.

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Pet Jokes