A first-grade teacher, Miss Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, "Boy what is your problem?"
Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My
sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is!
I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Miss Neelam had enough. She took Boy to the Principal's
office. The principal told Miss Neelam he would give the
boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions
he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
She agreed.
Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test:
Principal: "What is 3x3?"
Boy: "9"
Principal: "What is 6x6?"
Boy: "36"
And so it went with every question the principal
thought a third-grade should know. The principal
looks at Miss Neelam and tells her, "I think the boy can go
to the third-grade."
Miss Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of
my own questions. Can I ask him?" The principal and Boy both agreed.
Miss Neelam asks: "What does a cow have four of that I
have only two of?
Boy, after a moment: "Legs"!
Miss Neelam: "What is in your pants that you have but I don't have?"
Boy: "Pockets"!
Miss Neelam: "What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"
Boy: Coconut
Miss Neelam: " What goes in hard and pink then comes
out soft and sticky?"
The Principal's eyes open really wide and before he
could stop the answer, Boy quickly answered..
Boy: Bubblegum
Miss Neelam: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
The Principal's eyes again open really wide and before he could stop the answer....
Boy: Shake hands
Miss Neelam: "Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?"
Boy: "Yep"
Miss Neelam: "You stick Your poles inside me. You tie me
down to get me up.. I get wet before you do."
Boy: "Tent"
Miss Neelam: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me
when you're bored. The best man always has me first."
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took
one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy: "Wedding Ring"
Miss Neelam: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I
drip. When you blow me, you feel good."
Boy: "Nose"
Miss Neelam: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver."
Boy: "Arrow"
Miss Neelam: "What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?"
Boy: "Firetruck"
Miss Neelam: "What word starts with a 'F' and ends in
'K' & if u don't get it u have to use your hand"
Boy: "Fork"
Miss Neelam: "What is it that all men have. It's longer for
some men than on others.
The nuns dont need it. The pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?"
Miss Neelam: "What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love?"
Boy: "HEART"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the
teacher: "Send this Boy to University, I got the last ten questions
wrong myself!"

Teacher- Did you do your homework?

Student - Did you grade my test?
Teacher - I have other students' tests to grade.
Student - I have other teachers' homework to do.

A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.

The surprised girl said, “What was that?”
The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!”
The girl slapped him soundly.
“What was that?!” said the boy, holding his cheek.
“Customer feedback.”

- Kid, see, your teacher is comming. You better hide, you're absent today

- Granpa. Not me but you. I told her that you are died...

Mom, can my friend come over?

- Yes, just clean your room first.
Call friend ...
- Hey bro, she said - NO!

Signs You've Been Partying Too Much

1. With a little effort, you could pull the bags under your eyes over your head.
2. When the professor calls out your name during attendance, you rhythmically cry out "In da' house!"
3. Your dirty laundry has become the closest thing to wall-to-wall carpeting.
4. Every study group you join gets fed up with your need to take a break for techno and grinding.
5. All your stories begin with, "I was so wasted..."
6. Your Native American name would've been "Man of Running Body Fluids."
7. You refer to sunlight as a "that bright s**t."
8. You look forward to the weekdays as a time to relax.
9. Whenever you see a blinking "Do Not Walk" sign, you think how great it would look if you were on ecstasy.
10. All your stories end with, "...and that's when everything got blurry."

Worst Comments to Get on Your Finals

10. See me after class.
9. Did you even read the material?
8. It's a C, but it's a strong C.
7. Fascinatingly convoluted.
6. My, what nice, big margins!
5. You must've been up all last night.
4. The book ends differently than the movie.
3. Spelling requires more than just sounding it out.
2. Are you familiar with the term "plagiarism"?
1. Tell your mom to try harder.

You Know You're Out Of College When...

1. Your salary is less than your tuition.
2. Your potted plants stay alive.
3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.
4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
5. You have to pay your own credit card bill.
6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.
7. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year.
8. 8:00a.m. is not early.
9. You have to file for your own taxes.
10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
11. You're not carded anymore.
12. You carry an umbrella.
13. You learn that "Bachelor" is a nicer term for a jackass.
14. "Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary, which is a little less than your allowance used to be.
15. "Twenty-something" means over-qualified, under-paid, and not married.
16. Your friends marry instead of hook-up, and divorce instead of break-up.
17. You start watching the weather channel.
18. Jeans and baseball caps aren't staples in your wardrobe.
19. You can no longer take shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack.
20. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
21. You stop confusing 401K plan with 10K run.
22. You go to parties that the police don't raid.
23. Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you.
24. You don't know what time Wendy's closes anymore.
25. Your car insurance goes down.
26. You refer to college students as kids.
27. You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of beer, bourbon, and rum.

Top Ten Ways to Freak Out Your Roommate

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, ''He just didn't belong.'' 9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern. 8) Draw a tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, ''The hair, it's growing. Growing!'' 7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, ''Soon, soon....'' 6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil. 5) Tell your roommate, ''I've got an important message for you.'' Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, ''Oh, yeah, I remember!'' Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks. 4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan. 3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, ''Hey, where the heck is my sandwich!?'' Complain loudly that you are hungry. 2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, ''Hooray! You're back!'' as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, ''Shouldn't you be going somewhere?'' 1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, ''No, I want to watch them suffer.'''