A first-grade teacher, Miss Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, "Boy what is your problem?"
Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My
sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is!
I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Miss Neelam had enough. She took Boy to the Principal's
office. The principal told Miss Neelam he would give the
boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions
he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
She agreed.
Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test:
Principal: "What is 3x3?"
Boy: "9"
Principal: "What is 6x6?"
Boy: "36"
And so it went with every question the principal
thought a third-grade should know. The principal
looks at Miss Neelam and tells her, "I think the boy can go
to the third-grade."
Miss Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of
my own questions. Can I ask him?" The principal and Boy both agreed.
Miss Neelam asks: "What does a cow have four of that I
have only two of?
Boy, after a moment: "Legs"!
Miss Neelam: "What is in your pants that you have but I don't have?"
Boy: "Pockets"!
Miss Neelam: "What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"
Boy: Coconut
Miss Neelam: " What goes in hard and pink then comes
out soft and sticky?"
The Principal's eyes open really wide and before he
could stop the answer, Boy quickly answered..
Boy: Bubblegum
Miss Neelam: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
The Principal's eyes again open really wide and before he could stop the answer....
Boy: Shake hands
Miss Neelam: "Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?"
Boy: "Yep"
Miss Neelam: "You stick Your poles inside me. You tie me
down to get me up.. I get wet before you do."
Boy: "Tent"
Miss Neelam: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me
when you're bored. The best man always has me first."
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took
one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy: "Wedding Ring"
Miss Neelam: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I
drip. When you blow me, you feel good."
Boy: "Nose"
Miss Neelam: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver."
Boy: "Arrow"
Miss Neelam: "What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?"
Boy: "Firetruck"
Miss Neelam: "What word starts with a 'F' and ends in
'K' & if u don't get it u have to use your hand"
Boy: "Fork"
Miss Neelam: "What is it that all men have. It's longer for
some men than on others.
The nuns dont need it. The pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?"
Miss Neelam: "What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love?"
Boy: "HEART"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the
teacher: "Send this Boy to University, I got the last ten questions
wrong myself!"

Signs you're watching too much TV

The bumper sticker on your car reads: "What Would Dawson Do?" In the middle of an exam, you tell the professor you want to use a lifeline. You need to be tranquilized when the cable goes out. In the late evening, you look forward to sitting back and catching the latest informercial. If you're a witness to an argument, you instinctually shout, "Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!" You try to impress the opposite sex by saying, "Hey, I get 120 channels!" Your entire CD collection consists of "Greatest Hits" albums by the decade. You have a gold-plated "clicker." Your intellectual discussions all stem from The Discovery Channel. After 15 minutes of work, you need a two-minute break.

Top 10 Camps Not to Send Your Kid To

10. Tommy Lee's Kickachickee
9. Lorena Bobbit's Cutaweewee
8. Tanya Harding's Wackaneenee
7. Kenneth Starr's Catchacrookie
6. Louis Farakhan's Killawhitey
5. O.J. Simpson's Killachickee
4. Michael Jackson's Wannabewhitey
3. President Clinton's Getacoochie
2. Ellen Degeneres' Lickacoochie
1. Monica Lewinsky's Camp Suckapeepee

Signs Your Amish Teen's In Trouble

10. Sometimes stays in bed till after 6 am. 9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets. 8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup. 7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou sucketh!" 6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy." 5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to disco!." 4. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks. 3. Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain't listening." 2. Was recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of cottage cheese." 1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.

Signs You Have a Hangover

You're convinced that chirping birds are Satan's pets. Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "stay still." Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as chugging a glass of fresh paint. You'd rather have a pencil jammed up your nose than be exposed to sunlight. You set aside an entire morning to spend some quality time with your toilet. You replace the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position. The bathroom reminds you of a carnival barker shouting, "Step right up and give it whirl!" All day long your motto is, "Never again." You could purchase a new bike just by recycling the bottles around your bed. Your natural response to "Good morning," is "Shut up!"

Signs you are a loser

1. Your dog rather rub up against the wall than have you pet it. 2. All the numbers in your little black book start with "1-900." 3. Due to excessive hazing and ridicule, you decided to drop out of the Origami Club. 4. You were almost involved in a threesome, but your left hand fell asleep. 5. Fantasizing out loud before falling asleep is your idea of "pillow talk." 6. Your personal ad reads: "Seeking Anybody." 7. Next to your name in the phone directory, the phone number is replaced with the phrase "Who cares?" 8. You look forward to the dinner time calls from telemarketers. 9. The last time you were invited to a party, you were grooving to the lyric, "Put your right foot in, take your right foot out." 10. You spent last summer following around the 2000 Bible Belt Trekkie Convention Tour.

Signs You Should Join E-Mailers Anonymous

10) You wake up at 3 am to go to the bathroom, and check your e-mail on the way back to bed. 9) Your firstborn is named Dotcom. 8) You turn off your modem and are suddenly filled with a feeling of emptiness, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one. 7) You spend half of a plane trip with your laptop on your lap, and your child in the overhead compartment. 6) You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access. 5) You find yourself typing ''com'' after every period.com. 4) You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading. 3) You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape. 2) You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : ) 1) Immediately after reading this list, you e-mail it to someone.

Little Johnny... The Way You Think

Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."
Teacher: "Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one . How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."
Teacher: "Can you explain that answer?"
Little Johnny: "One is shot, the others fly away. There are none left."
Teacher: "Well, that isn't the correct answer, but I like the way you think."
Little Johnny: "Teacher, can I ask a question?"
Teacher: "Sure."
Little Johnny: "There are three women in the ice cream parlor. One is licking, one is biting and one is sucking her ice cream cone. Which one is married?"
Teacher: "The one sucking the cone."
Little Johnny: "No. The one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think."

Blonde's Best 10 Years

Q: What are the best 10 years of a blonde's life?
A: Third grade.

James Johann: Held Back a Year

My buddy Brian had a kid a few years ago, and he comes to me this summer and he goes, 'Man, my son just flunked the third grade. I don't know how to tell my kid he's going to be held back a year.' I was like, 'I guess you better tell him slowly so the little dumb ass will get it.'

Concise Creative Writing

A university creative writing class is asked to write essays containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery.
The prize-winning essay reads: "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"