Attitude Jokes

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Friends wave red flags when you have a bad idea. Real friends pick up a camera.

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Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is "Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?"

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If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

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Some people are so poor, all they have is money.

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A beautiful girl looks good in the background of her smart friend.

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On a scale of newlyweds to married 25 years, how willing are you to admit I'm right?

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I don't like black jokes because I have one in my family tree. He's still hanging there.

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We need to look at how the world really works, not just accept the way we are told it works.

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I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.

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I think that if I died and went straight to hеll it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore.

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Sure, I may be slow, but I do lousy work.

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Relationship status: Autocorrect changes my girl to my grill.

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You have to be flexible to work here. On many occasions, you'll be asked to bend over and grab your ankles.

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Updating your relationship status in public is fine. Updating your relationship problems in public is stupidity.

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Baseball is my favorite sport, because you can play it on a professional level with food in your mouth.

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Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.

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When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, "A very good doctor".

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The get rich or die trying philosophy on life is going terribly one sided for me.

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