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This is how you know you're really drunк - when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

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Every tribe needs a straight lady.

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"We've all got to get our own whatever we are doing." -Jamie Masada

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Yo pops plucked a razor bump and a whole wig came out.

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How do you get on television? You sit on it!

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I think it's ironic that the principles from "The Wealth of Nations" is bank robbing our society.

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My cousin is BFNR which means, big for no reason!

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What's the similarity of typhoon with tycoon? They are both packed with a lot of wind.

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A guy walked up to me and asked me, "how's life going?".
I said,
"Not sure, can we meet up sometime unannounced to you and have me ask how's your life going?"
He said,
"No, I dont think so."
I said "well now you know what it feels like, you might aswell have put me infront of a jury"
He said "well, I'm sorry I was busy talking to my friends and they dared me to talk to you"
To which I replied "well I was busy talking to your mom and she said that she doesn't want you to talk to random people anymore and call them your 'friends'"

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Ever been to Uganda?
Cause Uganda be bouncin' on dis diск.

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- Dude that party was wicked.
- You were drunк outta your mind.
- I was not drunк.
- Dude you were cutting pine-apples yelling "SpongeBob I know your in there"

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Many are called, but it's only few that has airtime to call back. #Hiba

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Boy- i'm taking the d out of the alphabet
Girl- Why?
Boy- Because i'm putting it in you

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A мidgет bought a book, 'How to make yourself taller.'
She stood on it.

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To do list: 1. dig a hole 2. name it love 3. Watch people fell in love

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I used to smoke рот before class. I walked in 10 minutes late with a вullshiт excuse, slunk down at my desk and hoped that nobody asked me any questions.
I was the best teacher EVER.

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*Standing on a high balcony*
Normal person: What a breathtaking view!
Me: I could totaly snipe that guy from here.

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Teacher: How far have you gone with your homework
Lil Johnny: About ten kilometers Sir. I went home and came back with it.

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