Morbid jokes

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What do you buy a dead baby for its birthday?
A dead puppy!

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It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. But, I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

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How do you prepare a dead baby for Valentine's Day?
You shove a box of chocolates down his throat and a bouquet of roses up his аss.

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Нiтlеr is daddy!
Hump me!
Fuck me!
Daddy better gas them Jews.
My gas chambers love the smoke.
G-g-gas the Jews.

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I don’t like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it.
He was the best dамn pilot in saudi arabia

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My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.

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I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.

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My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care.

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A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”

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As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

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The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis.

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Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

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A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. ""You can't cut me down,"" the tree exclaims, ""I'm a talking tree!"" The man responds, ""You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.""

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What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.

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When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite вееr mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.

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My husband left a note on the fridge that said, ""This isn't working."" I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!

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Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person.

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When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.

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