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Дъщеря ми каза, че съм бил цитирам: "прекалено драматичен". Смених паролата на WI-Fi-а. След три минути ще видим кои е "прекалено драматичен"
My son made the mistake of telling me I was being overdramatic so I just changed the WiFi password.
We'll see who's overdramatic in about 5 minutes.
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Parent Jokes
Two small boys met during their first day at school. "My name is Billy. What
Kaksi alle kouluikäistä poikaa, sattuivat keskustelemaan eläintarhassa eräänä päivänä. - Minun nimeni on Pekka. Mikä sinun nimesi on? kysyi ensimmäinen poika. - Tommi, vastasi toinen. - Minun isi...
Deux enfants à l’école : - Moi mon père, il est comptable, et toi ? - Le mien est avocat. - Il est honnête ? - Non, seulement avocat.
While two families were waiting in line to see the Washington Monument, their two 5-year-old boys were getting acquainted.
"My name is Joshua. What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Adam," replied the second." My daddy is a doctor. What does YOUR daddy do for a living?" asked Joshua.
Adam proudly replied, "My daddy is a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Joshua.
"No, just the regular kind," replied Adam.
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Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke
| Judge Jokes, Court Jokes, Judiciary
| Lawyer Jokes
Спират един шофьор и го глобяват за превишена скорост.
Одого мужика застукали за пpевышение скоpости. Полицейский оштpафовал его на кpугленькую сумму и выписал мужику квитанцию.
- Co mam zrobić z tym kwitkiem? - pyta kierowca, zaraz po zapłaceniu mandatu. - Proszę to zachować - odpowiada policjant. Jak Pan zbierze 10, to dostanie Pan rower.
"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket.
"Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you get a bicycle."
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Work Jokes, Office Jokes
| One Liner Jokes, Short jokes
| Jokes about Police Officers
Προσέχτε μην σας τύχει...
Просто си седях в тоалетната на гарата, когато чух глас от съседната кабина:
Един човек влиза в някаква тоалетна.
Влагам у ВЦ у Рамстор, и седнувам на шољата. Кога од соседната кабина слушам:
Μόλις είχα καθήσει, όταν ακούω μία φωνή από δίπλα να μου λέει:
Заходит мужик в туалет. Снял штаны, Сел, срёт. За стенкой слышит голос : Привет! - Привет! - Как дела ? - Нормально. - Что делаешь? - Сру! Потом слышит: Ты извини, я тебе по позже позваню, а то тут какой-то придурак за стенкой на мои вопросы отвечает.
Jag hade precis satt mig ner på den offentliga toaletten när jag hörde en röst från toaletten bredvid som sa, - Hej hur mår du? Jag är ju inte precis den typen som brukar konversera med främlingar när jag sitter på toaletten men jag vet inte vad som...
Ich war auf der Autobahn als ich mich entschloss kurz anzuhalten um auf die Toilette zu gehen. Das Erste war besetzt, also ging ich in das zweite..... Kaum sitze ich, sagt eine Stimme aus dem...
Un gars rentre dans un bar il va aux toilettes et à peine il se met sur la cuvette qu
Сидить чоловік у туалеті, раптом із сусідньої кабінчи чує: — Привіт! Він подумав... І відповідає: — Ну привіт! — Як справи? — Нормально. — Слухай, я тобі передзвоню, а то тут якийсь придурок зі...
Ero in autostrada, quando decisi di fermarmi ad un autogrill per andare alla toilette. Il primo bagno era occupato, quindi entrai nel secondo. Appena mi sedetti sulla tazza sentii una voce...
J
Genç adam, İstanbul
Oggi sono entrato in un bagno pubblico ed appena ho chiuso la porta ho sentito la voce nel bagno accanto dire: "Ciao, come stai?" Allora ho risposto: "Bene, grazie, te?" La voce ha continuato: "Che...
C
I was in in the public restroom. I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall:
"Hi, how are you?"
Me: (embarrassed) "Doin' fine!"
Stall: "So what are you up to?"
Me: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here."
Stall: "Can I come over?"
Me: (attitude) "No, I'm a little busy right now!!"
Stall: "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiот in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!
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Jokes
- Киро, отивам командировка в Мадрид за 3 дни. Какъв подарък искаш да ти донеса от там?
Redneck told wife - When are you going to Britain for your training, dear?
Una mujer se va de viaje a Brasil para asistir a un curso de entrenamiento de dos semanas de su empresa. Su esposo la llevó al aeropuerto y le deseó un feliz viaje. La esposa le contestó:
A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. The wife answers :
Charles era um sujeito muito brincalhão. Certo dia a sua esposa estava indo para a França, em uma viagem de negócios e lhe perguntou: — Você quer que eu traga uma lembrancinha? — Ah, eu quero! —...
Wife: I am going to Madrid, what gift do you want?
Husband: One Spanish Girl...
Wife returns from Madrid
Husband: Where is my gift?
Wife: Wait for nine months...
313
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Men-Women jokes
| USA
Зъболекарят:
На заболекар:
Zahnarzt zum Patienten: "Das kann jetzt ein bisschen weh tun." Patient: "Kein Problem" Zahnarzt: "Ich habe seit 3 Jahren ein Verhältnis mit Ihrer Frau."
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”
Patient: “OK.”
Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”
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Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke
| Dentist Jokes
| Jokes about Cheating
Отива една мадама при лекаря:
Пришла одна баба к врачу.
При доктора:
A woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac." "I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour." "That
- Va rog sa ma ajutati, domnule doctor, ii spune o nimfomana sexologului. Ce sa ma mai fac? Niciodata nu-mi ajunge sexul, intotdeauna vreau mai mult... - Bine, am sa vad ce pot sa fac, spune...
Жінка, лежачи на кушетці на прийомі у психіатра, каже: — Лікарю, у мене проблема: я німфоманка. — Ой, вибачте, я ж не осказал вам розцінки. Година коштує 80 євро. — А ніч?
A lady says to the psychiatrist, "I think I might be a nymphomaniac."
He says, "I'll see what I can do to help you. My fee is eighty dollars an hour."
She says, "How much for all night?"
310
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Money jokes
| Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke
| Dirty jokes
| Sex Jokes
6 годишният ми син: Тате, драконите огън ли пръцкат? Аз: Не знам. Сина ми: Мислех, че си ходил в университет?!
6-year-old: Do dragons fаrт fire?
Me: I don't know.
6: I thought you went to college
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Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes
Пари
Congressman
- Give me your money!
- Това е обир, давай парите си!
Грабитель на темной улочке останавливает одинокого пешехода:
Eines späten Abends in Berlin wird ein gut gekleidedter älterer Herr von einem maskierten Räuber überfallen: "Los, gib
Un político se pierde en el camino. Entonces un ladrón se le acerca con una pistola y le grita: -¡Esto es un asalto, deme todo su dinero! -¿Pero acaso no sabe con quien se está metiendo? ¡Soy un político muy importante! -Ah...en ese caso, ¡devuélvame todo mi dinero!
Dammi i tuoi soldi! Sono un politico Allora dammi i miei soldi
Un ladrón coge a un hombre por la calle. - Deme todo su dinero. - Oiga, usted ni se imagina con quien está hablando. Soy un político muy influyente. El ladrón le mira y le dice: - En ese caso, devuelvame todo mi dinero.
Um ladrão se aproxima de um senhor posudo e diz: — Me passe já o seu dinheiro. O senhor fica indignado e retruca, de dedo em riste: — O quê? O senhor sabe com quem está falando? Eu sou de-pu-ta-do!...
O ladrão foi assaltar um político: - Passa o dinheiro! - Calma! Calma! Eu sou deputado. - Ah, nesse caso! Passa o MEU dinheiro.
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The Thief says: “Give me your money.” The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: “But, wait! You can’t do...
Un rapinatore va da una persona e dice: "Dammi i tuoi soldi!" Ma lui risponde: "Ma io sono un politico!" E il rapinatore risponde: "Allora dammi i miei soldi!".
Egy rabló pisztollyal megy az utcán. Meglát egy öltönyös gazdag embert ahogy kiszáll a BMW-ből. - Ez biztos nagyon gazdag.- gondolja. Odamegy a pisztollyal és elkiáltja magát! - Add ide a pénzed! -...
Un ladrón a punta de pistola, se cruza con un tipo: - ¡Deme todo su dinero!. El hombre se sorprende, pero en lugar de asustarse lo increpa: - Oiga, usted no sabe con quién se está metiendo. Soy un...
- ¡Esto es un asalto, déme todo su dinero! - ¿Usted no sabe que yo soy político? - Disculpe, entonces ... ¡déme todo mi dinero!
Egy rabló megállít egy embert, és ezt kiáltja: - Ide a pénzt! Erre az ember: - No de kérem, én országgyűlési képviselő vagyok! - Ja az más. AKKOR IDE A PÉNZEM!
Presretne pljačkaš sa fantomkom na glavi uglađenog gospodina u novom odelu: - Daj mi tvoje pare, odmah! Uplašeni gospodin diže ruke uplašen i kaže: - Ali, ja.. Ja sam političar. - A jel
Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the robber, "Give me MY money!"
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Money jokes
| Men jokes
| Government and Government employees jokes
| Political Joke
A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father,
"Dad, how soon will I be old enough to do as I please?"
The father answered immediately,
"I just don't know, son. No male has ever lived that long yet."
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One Liner Jokes, Short jokes
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirтy, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
287
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Jokes about Women
| Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
| Dirty jokes
| Friendship Jokes
Това, което е по-лошо от изкуствения интелект,
Искусственный интеллект,
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
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Computers
Husband admiring his body in the mirror says to wife "look at that, 14 stones of pure dynamite !"
Wife replies "yeah, shame about the 2 inch fuse..."
279
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4
Men-Women jokes
| Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
| Men jokes
Do you remember, before the internet, that it was thought that the cause of collective stupidity was the lack of access to information?
Well ... it wasn't that
276
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Jokes
- "Крава!" - казах аз на една жена, която караше колело.
Ein Mann fährt eine steile Bergstrasse hinauf. Eine Frau fährt dieselbe Strasse hinunter. Als sie sich begegnen, lehnt sich die Frau aus dem Fenster und schreit: "SCHWEIN!!" Der Mann schreit sofort zurück: "HEXE!!" Beide fahren weiter.....als der Mann um die nächste Kurve biegt, rammt er ein...
Górzysta droga. Facet prowadzi samochód. Naprzeciw niego jedzie drugi samochód, który prowadzi kobieta. Gdy sie mijają kobieta uchyla okno i krzyczy: - ŚWINIA!!! Facet natychmiast uchyla swoje okno...
I yelled, “COW!” at a woman on a bike As she rode by. She looked at me, gave me the finger, and turned back around and promptly plowed her bike into the cow. I tried.
Naisautoilija pysäytti miesautoilijan, ruuvasi ikkunan auki ja sanoi: - ”Sika, sika!” Miesautoilija ruuvasi ikkunan auki ja sanoi ”Lehmä, lehmä”. Mies jatkoi ajoaan ja törmäsi tiellä olevaan sikaan.
Igår skrek jag "KOSSA!" till en kvinna på cykel. Hon svarade genom att ge mig längfingret. Sen brakade hon rakt in i kossan jag varnat för. Jag försökte i alla fall!
Jeg skrek "KU!" til en kvinne på sykkelen. Нun svarte med å vise meg fingeren. Like etter det kjørte hun rett i kua. Jeg forsøkte...
I yelled “Cow!” at a woman on a bike...
She gave me the finger.
Then she ran into a cow.
I tried.
272
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Cow jokes
В детсвото, когато ходиш до тоалетна, бягаш на връщане и скачаш в леглото, доволен че чудовището под леглото не те е хванало.
Childhood is when you go to the toilet in the night and then you run back and jump in your bed, glad that the monster under the bed didn’t get you.
Adulthood is when the monster lies in the bed next to you.
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Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 6 year old son wasn't actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
260
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School Jokes
| Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
| Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes
| One Liner Jokes, Short jokes
| Dad Jokes
Двама мъже хванали две монахини и почнали да ги изнасилват.
Двама изнасилват две монахини. Едната казва:
2 monjas que las estan violando a la vez.
Dos violadores que ingresan al convento Santa Clara, y a las dos primeras monjas que las encuentran a su paso las violan, de inmediato. - Una de las monjas mirando al cielo: Perdónalo Señor, no sabe lo que hace. -Replicando la otra monja: Eso será el tuyo porque el mío es un experto.
Dos monjitas están siendo violadas, y una de ellas exclama: - Padre, perdónalo, porque no sabe lo que hace! A lo que la otra responde: - No generalizes, que el mío sí que sabe!
Två nunnor strosar genom en mörk gränd då två stora män hoppar fram och börjar våldta dem. Den första nunnan tittar upp mot himlen och skriker. - Förlåt dem fader, ty de vet ej vad de gör. Den...
Twee nonnen lopen door een donker steegje en worden plotseling gegrepen door twee mannen. Terwijl ze wordt verkracht, kijkt een van de nonnen naar de hemel en roept: "God vergeef hen. Zij weten...
Zwei Nonnen werden auf dem Weg ins Kloster von zwei Burschen belästigt. "Herr, ruft die eine, vergib ihnen, denn sie wissen nicht, was sie tun!" "Still, zischt da die andere, meiner weiß es!"
Er lopen twee nonnen door een donkere steeg. Plotseling worden ze overvallen door twee wilde mannen en voor ze het weten liggen ze naakt op de grond. Zegt de ene non tegen de andere: “Oh God...
Het is avond en twee nonnen lopen samen naar de kerk. Ineens worden ze door 2 mannen een steegje ingetrokken. De mannen beginnen de nonnen te betasten en voordat de nonnen het beseffen worden ze...
Dos monjas en el amazonas, las capturan y violan los nativos: - Perdónales Señor, porque no saben lo que hacen, dice una monja. - Será el tuyo, porque el mío es un experto, dice la otra.
Estas son 2 monjas que ivan por la calle y le saltan 2 atracadores, al ver que no tenian dinero decidieron violarlas. Una de las monjas se pone a gritar-Hayy dios mioo!! perdonales no saben lo...
Two nuns are walking back to the convent at night when two men push them into a dark alley and start having sеx with them.
One nun says "God, forgive them for they know not what they are doing!"
The second nun says "Speak for yours! Mine is a Master!"
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Religion jokes
| God
| Dirty jokes
| Sex Jokes
| Communication Jokes
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