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Wife: "I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad."
Wife: "No, you are not."
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Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
| Men jokes
| One Liner Jokes, Short jokes
| Dad Jokes
Вчера преживях скъпа и болезнена процедура, премахнаха ми гръбнака и двата тестиса. Все пак някои от сватбените подаръци не бяха лоши
I went through an expensive and painful procedure yesterday, having had my spine and both testicles removed. Still, some of the wedding presents were fantastic.
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Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
Момичетата съзряват по-бързо от момчетата, защото обикновено на мъжете им порастват гърдите чак около 40-те
Девушки взрослеют быстрее мальчиков, у мальчиков грудь начинает появляться только годам к сорока.
Girls mature faster than guys because men don't usually develop вrеаsтs until their mid 40's.
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Men-Women jokes
Генко кара колата. Жена му все мърмори:
A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the backseat.
The women just won’t leave him alone.
His mother-in-law says, "You’re driving too fast!"
His wife says, "Stay more to the left."
After ten mixed orders, the man turns to his wife and asks, "Who’s driving this car – you or your mother?"
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Jokes about Women
| Car and driving jokes
| Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
| Men jokes
| Mother in law jokes
Среќен поштар
Retiring Mailman
Το φιλοδώρημα.
It was the mailman
One by one the dustmen lined up to shag the blonde at No.25. Finally it
Listonosz przechodzi na emeryturę. Wszyscy z okolicznych domów postanowili, że będzie on po raz ostatni chodził od domu do domu i tym razem tylko odbierał prezenty za swoją wieloletnią pracę. Puka do pierwszych drzwi... dostaje wspaniałe wyposażenie wędkarskie... promienieje z radości. Puka do...
Een postbode gaat met pensioen en krijgt tijdens zijn laatste ronde van veel mensen een afscheidscadeautje ( een fles cognac of bloemen ). Plots komt hij bij een jonge dame en die sleurt hem naar...
Após 35 anos de trabalho, chegou o último dia de Moacir como carteiro. Na primeira casa de sua rota foi recebido com aplausos e presenteado com uma linda camisa. Na segunda, recebeu de presente uma...
Finally, it was Ned the Mailman’s last day. As he did his final rounds, he reached the door of the first house and was greeted by a elderly couple who gave him a gift certificate. At the next...
Az öreg postás már 35 éve hordta ki a küldeményeket nap, mint nap, hóban és szélben éppúgy, mint a legnagyobb forróságban. Lassan elérte a nyugdíj korhatárt, és azok az emberek, akik ismerték és...
I
Joe is on his last day at work as a mailman. He receives many thank-you cards and monetary gifts along his route.
When he gets to the very last house, he is greeted by a gorgeous housewife, who invites him in for lunch.
Joe happily accepts.
After lunch, the woman invites him up to the bedroom for some "desert."
Joe happily accepts again.
When they are done, the woman gives him a dollar.
Joe asks what the dollar is all about.
The woman replies: "It was my husband's suggestion. When I told him that it was your last day at work, he told me 'F**k him, give him a dollar. The lunch was my idea."
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Jokes about Women
| Work Jokes, Office Jokes
| Dirty jokes
Las dos personas del matrimonio
Бракът е низ от комрпромиси, при които единият е прав, а другия е съпругът...
Casnicia este o relatie oficiala a doua persoane, din care una are intotdeauna dreptate, iar cealalta este sotul!
A házasság olyan kapcsolat, melyben az egyik félnek mindig igaza van, a másik pedig a férj...
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
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Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
Женската интуиция направо ме поразява.
Поражаюсь женской интуиции.
My wife is incredibly smart. When I called her from my buddy’s phone she answered, “Hey love!” She already knew it was me.
My girlfriend is sooo smart!
I called her from my friend's phone and she said
"What's up honey?"
She already knew i am on the other side
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Jokes about Women
Факултетски човек
Με τέτοια παιδεία...
- Добър ден, търся си работа.
Un giovane ingegnere al suo primo giorno di lavoro: Il titolare: "Spazza l
Der junge Akademiker hat seinen ersten Arbeitstag im Büro. Der Chef spricht ihn an: "Nehmen Sie den Besen und kehren Sie bitte das Zimmer." Der Akademiker ist empört: "Aber ich komme doch von der Universität!" "Oh, Entschuldigung, ich zeige Ihnen gleich, wie das geht."
Un ingegnere si presenta sul posto di lavoro. E
Шеф каже новому співробітнику: - Для початку підметіть в офісі підлогу! - Сер! Я закінчив Кембридж! - Обурюється той. - Ось воно що! Тоді дайте мені віник, та я покажу, як це робиться!
A frissen felvett alkalmazott először megy dolgozni a munkahelyére. A főnöke meleg kézfogással üdvözli, majd így szól hozzá: - Nos, az első feladata az lesz, hogy megfogja azt a seprűt és...
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work.
The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said,
"Your first job will be to sweep out the store."
"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom – I'll show you how."
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Work Jokes, Office Jokes
| Men jokes
| College jokes
| Мanagement jokes
| Graduation Jokes
| Stupid / Dumb Jokes
| Jokes about Bosses
Teacher: What does your father do?
Little Johnny: Whatever mom says.
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School Jokes
| Little Johnny
Попитали радио Ереван:
Как подоить овец?
How do you milk sheep? …. …. …. With iPhone accessories.
How do you milk sheep?
Bring out a new iPhone and charge $1000 for it.
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Jokes
Доктора: - Жив сте по някакво чудо божие!
Il medico al convalescente: "Lei deve la sua guarigione alla robustezza della sua costituzione..." "Davvero? Allora a lei non devo niente!"
Christian Doctor: "Your recovery was a miracle!"
Christian Patient: "Thank God! Now I don't have to pay you."
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Money jokes
| God
| Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke
| Customer service jokes
| Christian Jokes
Έχασα την γυναίκα μου!
Στο σούπερ μάρκετ
Мъж се приближава към хубаво момиче в супермаркет.
Je faisais mes courses avec ma femme et je ne la trouvais plus quand j
Un uomo al supermercato non riesce a trovare la moglie e, rivolgendosi alla commessa dice:
In a supermarket Ivan lost sight of his wife. He comes up to a nice young lady and asks, "Will you talk with me for a couple of minutes, please?" "Why should I?" "It
Ein Mann spricht eine Frau im Supermarkt an: "Wissen Sie, dass ich meine Frau hier im Supermarkt verloren habe? Und jetzt frage ich mich, ob Sie vielleicht ein paar Minuten Zeit für mich hätten." Meint sie: "Und wozu soll das gut sein?" Antwortet er: "Na, immer, wenn ich mich mit einer schönen...
En man går fram till en storbystad blond snygging på ett varuhus. - Ursäkta, jag har tappat bort min fru. Har du lust att prata lite med mig? Kvinnan tittar förvånat på mannen och undrar: -...
Un gars aborde une jolie jeune femme dans un supermarché. Surprise, elle lui demande : - Que me voulez-vous ? - Oh, juste vous parler quelques instants. - Vous voulez me draguer, ou quoi ? - Non,...
A guy walks up to a beautiful woman in a shopping mall. "Excuse me" he says "But I
Adam, tıklım tıklım dolu bir hipermarketteymiş. Alışveriş eden çok güzel bir kadının yanına sokulmuş: - Affedersiniz hanımefendi, karımı kaybettim bulamıyorum, benimle biraz konuşur musunuz? Güzel...
A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?
"Why do you want to talk to me?" she asked puzzled.
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
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Jokes about Women
| Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
| Men jokes
| Relationship Jokes
| Beauty Jokes
Бигамия означава да имаш една жена повече, отколкото ти трябва. Моногамията е същото.
- Што е бигамија? - Една жена повеќе. - А, моногамија? - Исто, една жена повеќе.
Q: If Bigamy is having one wife too much, what is Monogamy? A: The Same!
La bigamie consiste à avoir une femme de trop; la monogamie aussi.
Bigamy is having one wife too many, but so is monogamy.
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Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
| Sex Jokes
Пощальон носи препоръчано писмо на адрес.
Пощальонът звъни на вратата.
Почтальон приносит заказное письмо и звонит в дверь. Дверь открывает мальчик лет восьми, попыхивающий здоровенной такой гаванской сигарой. Почтальон в изумлении выдавливает из себя:
Почтальон разносит телеграммы. Звонит в дверь одной квартиры. Открывает ему пацан лет 10 - в красном шелковом халате, в одной руке - стакан виски, в другой - "Плейбой", в зубах - кубинская сигара.
En herre knackar på dörren till ett hus och en liten pojke i tioårsåldern öppnar och med en tänd cigarr i munnen. Förvånad frågar herrn: - Har du mamma eller pappa hemma? Pojken tar cigarren...
A salesmen rang a house doorbell and it was answered by a kid wearing a top hat, a purple cape, smoking a cigar and drinking a glass of white wine. The salesmen asked: "Are your parents home?" The...
Egy utazó ügynök becsenget egy házba. Egy kisgyerek nyit ajtót, egyik kezében cigaretta, a másikban egy üveg pálinka. - Itthon vannak a szüleid? - kérdezi az ügynök. - Na mégis, mit gondolsz?
A traveling salesman rings this doorbell.
10 year old little Johnny opens, holding a вееr and smoking a fат cigar.
The salesman says, "Little boy is your mother home?"
Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What do you think?"
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Little Johnny
| Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes
| Drunk Jokes, Drinking Jokes, Alcohol Jokes, Alcoholic Jokes, Beer Jokes
| Drug Jokes
| Fat people jokes
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Ако на земята тежиш 100кг, то на Марс ще си едва 38 кг.
Если на Земле ты весишь 100 кг,
Si vous pesez 100 kg sur terre,
Se pesi 100kg sulla Terra, allora pesi 38kg su Marte.
Wenn du 100 kg auf der Erde wiegst, hast du auf dem Mars nur 37 kg auf der Waage.
Dünya
If you weigh 100 kilos on Earth, you only weigh 38 kilos on Mars.
YOU are not FАТ.
You are on wrong planet
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Mars
Τι είναι πιο σιχαμερό από το να δαγκώσεις ένα μήλο και να δεις ένα σκουλίκι μέσα
Много е гадно да намериш червей в ябълката,
Единственото по-лошо от това да видиш червей в ябълката, която ядеш, е да видиш половин червей
- Какво може да е по-гадно от това да отхапеш от ябълката и да видиш червей?
¿Qué es lo peor que te puedes encontrar en una manzana cuando la estas comiendo?
- Что может быть отвратительнее, чем откусить яблоко и обнаружить там червяка?
Was ist schlimmer als ein Wurm in einem angebissenen Apfel?
¿Qué es peor que encontrar un gusano tras morder una manzana? Encontrar solo medio gusano.
Qu
Vet du hva som er verre enn å finne en mark i et eple du akkurat har tatt en bit av? Å finne en halv mark.
- Finns det något värre än att hitta en mask i ett äpple som man precis har tagit en tugga av? - Ja, att hitta en halv mask...
— Чи може бути щось гірше, ніж знайти в яблуці черв
- Co jest gorsze od znalezienia robaka w właśnie ugryzionym jabłku? - Znalezienie połowy robaka...
- Што е полошо од тоа да најдеш црв во јаболко? - Да најдеш пола црв во јаболко!
What's worse than seeing a worm in your apple?
Seeing half a worm!
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Gross jokes, Disgusting jokes
| Food Jokes
| Dark Humor
| Animal Jokes
МОМЧЕ Е, МОМЧЕ Е, ОЩЕ НЕ МОГА ДА ПОВЯРВАМ
Ich schrie: "Es ist ein Junge. Ich kann es noch gar nicht fassen. Es ist ein Junge." Ich war so gerührt, ich stand sprichwörtlich in Tränen.
"It
11 years ago today my pal James came running out shouting lts a boy!" With tears streaming down his face. We never went back to Thailand.
"It's a boy," I shouted, as tears began to roll down my cheeks. "I can't believe it, it really is a boy."
That's when I swore never to return to Thailand.
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Jokes about Women
| Men jokes
| Sex Jokes
| Gay jokes
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England Jokes - British Jokes
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