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Вицове за Жени English Frauen-Witze, Frauenwitze, Fra... Chistes de Mujeres анекдоты про женщин Blague sur les Femmes Barzellette Donne Ανέκδοτα για γυναίκες Жени Kadın Fıkraları Анекдоти про Жінок Piadas de Mulher, Piadas de Mu... Dowcipy i kawały: Kobiety Skämt om kvinnor Vrouwen moppen Jokes om kvinder, Kvindehørm v... Vitser for damer, Vitser om kv... Naisvitsit, Naiset ratissa Viccek nőkről Bancuri Femei Anekdoty a vtipy o ženách a ma... Juokai apie Moteris Latviešu Vicevi o ženama
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A brunette is walking through the country when she finds a bottle. She rubs it, and a genie appears. The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much."
The woman says, "OK. Give me a nice house."
The genie replies, "You now have one nice house, and all the blondes in the world have two."
The woman says, "Give me a gorgeous man."
The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous man while all the blondes have two."
The brunette says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it."
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Вдовица Η αγγελία Esto era una mujer que quería a un hombre con las siguientes indicaciones: Que no le pegara Εύπορη αλλά μοναχική κυρία δημοσιεύει αγγελία ζητώντας σύντροφο: Eine 73-jährige Witwe gibt eine Kontaktanzeige auf: "Suche Mann A mulher já havia se casado e divorciado cinco vezes Eine alte 75-jährige Witwe möchte gerne einen neuen Freund und inseriert in der Zeitung: "75-jährige Frau sucht Mann von ungefähr gleichem Alter. Er darf mich nicht schlagen Susanne var i sen 30 års ålder och fortfarande ogift. Hon hade liksom bara svårt att träffa män. De män hon mot förmodan träffade visade sig vara skitstövlar. Till slut så bestämde hon sig att... Een oude weduwe van 75 wil graag een nieuwe vriend Eine 70jährige Witwe entscheidet sich dazu Uma viúva rica e solitária decidiu que precisava de um outro homem em sua vida Egy 72 éves öreg néni elhatározza
A woman got married, but her husband was abusive.
She got remarried and that husband ran out on her.
She got married again and that husband failed in bed.
Finally, she put an ad in the paper: "Looking for a man who won't abuse me, won't leave me, and won't fail me in bed."
The next day, the doorbell rings. There is a man with no arms and no legs.
"Hello, I saw your ad in the paper," he says.
"Tell me a little about you."
"Well, I have no arms, so I can't hit you. I have no legs, so I can't run out on you," he replies.
"How do I know you're good in bed?" she asks.
He says, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
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Секс Chiste del que hace el amor con la luz apagada Мъж и жена били женени от много години. Мъж и жена се оженили Husband always insisted on making love in the dark. C'est l'histoire d'un vieux couple marié depuis 25 ans. Chaque fois qu'ils font l'amour Um casal estava casado há vinte anos e Under alla år som Britta och Bertil varit tillsammans hade Bertil alltid velat älska med lampan släckt. Efter 20 år tröttnade Britta på att ständigt treva sig fram i mörkret och tände! Hon såg till sin förskräckelse att hennes man använde en dildo och utropade: - FÖRKLARA DET HÄR! VARFÖR HAR DU... Er was eens een koppel dat 20 jaar getrouwd was. Iedere keer als ze de liefde bedreven drong de man er op aan om de lichten uit te doen. Na 20 jaar begon de vrouw dat vreemd te vinden After 20 years of marriage Det äkta paret hade varit gifta i mer än 20 år. Varje gång de älskade insisterade mannen på att ljuset skulle vara släkt. Men efter 20 år tyckte kvinnan att det började bli löjligt. Hon funderade... De hadde vært gift i mer enn 20 år. Mannen insisterte på at lyset alltid skulle være av. Men etter 20 år Esta es una pareja que ya cumplía 20 años de casados. Y durante esos 20 años cada vez  que iban a hacer el amor apagaba las luces completamente. Pero después de 20 años haciendo lo mismo 20 years of sex in the dark the wife find out he was using a dildo the wife get angry and says ¨explain the dildo prick¨ the husband says ¨explain the children bitch Conny och Clara hade varit gifta i 20 år Det var en man och hans fru Bryllupsnatten De havde været gift i 20 år. Manden ville kun elske i mørke. Konen ville have ham fra den fjollede vane
A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sеx. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildо on her.
All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildо.
She said "I knew it, аsshоlе, explain the dildо!"
He said, "Explain the kids!"
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Детектор El catalán el de Lepe y el madrileño diciendo mentiras El gallego Ο καθρέφτης.. ведьма поймала блондинку В един козметичен магазин е поставено всевиждащо огледало Блондинка Une brune Havia um espelho mágico cuja característica especial era fazer desaparecer qualquer pessoa que dissesse uma mentira na sua frente. Certo dia C'est une blonde une brune et une rousse qui passe devans le miroir de la vériter la brune passe devant et dit - Moi je pense que je suis la plus intelligente et pouf le miroir l'aspire. La rousse... Trois femmes passent au détecteur de mensonge. La première
There is legend that goes like this:
In a bar in New York there is a magical mirror If you go up to it and tell it the truth it will grant you a wish If you lie – рооf it swallows you up.
A brunette, a blonde and a redhead walk into this bar.
They head straight for the mirror.
The redhead goes first and says “I think I’m the most beautiful woman on Earth” Рооf- the mirror swallows her up.
The brunette goes up to the mirror and says “I think I’m the sexiest woman on Earth” Рооf – the mirror swallows her up.
Last, the blonde goes up to the mirror says ” I think...” Рооf!
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Three women escape from prison….one is a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde.
They run for miles until they come upon an old barn; they decide to hide in the hayloft and rest.
When they climb up, they find three gunnysacks and decide to put them over their heads for camouflage.
About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy come into the barn. T
he sheriff tell his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft.
When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw.
The deputy told him just three gunnysacks.
The sheriff told him to find out what was in them…..so the deputy kicked the first bag, which had the redhead in it……and she went “Bow-wow.”
So the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in the first one.
Then he kicked the one with the brunette in it and she went “Meow.”
The deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in the second one.
Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it and there was no sound at all, so he kicked it again and the blonde said
“Potatoes.”
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An American goes to the train station so he can start his big trip.
He notices there a machine with the indication: "Put A Dollar in the Slot and the Machine will Tell you who you are!"
Curious, he puts the dollar inside the slot and he waits.
The machine suddenly sounds;
"You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago."
The man blacked out with the machine's ability.
So, he decided to trick the machine.
He wore a fake mustache and putted another dollar inside the slot.
"You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago," says the machine.
"But it's impossible!" screamed the man, acquiring a maniac need to trick the machine.
He ran to the toilet and disguised as an Arab.
Then, he did the same routine.
"You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago."
Furious then, he disguises as a woman and puts the dollar as usual in the slot.
-You're John Bull, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall, 90 kilos and with your вullshiтs you.. lost the train!
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Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.
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Womens are like computer virus...
they ENTER your life...
SEARCH your pocket...
SHIFT your balance ...
CONTROL your life...
when you become an old version DELETE you from the system
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Мајка и син Who Is God? Klein Evi geht zu der Mutter und fragt: "Du Mami - Pappa Joãozinho pergunta à seu pai: — Pai Pikku-Kalle kysyi äidiltään: Onko Jumala mies vai nainen? Jumala on molemmat En lille dreng spørger sin far... - Far
A little boy was learning about God in his church, and he was talking to his mother about it.
She, not wanting to place prejudice in the little boy’s mind, sat him and said: “God is not a man or a woman, and God is not black or white.”
To which the child responded, “Well, then is God Michael Jackson?”
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Иванчо пита баща си:
A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of вrеаsтs are there?"
The father, surprised, answers:
"Well, son, there are three kinds of вrеаsтs.
In her twenties, a woman's вrеаsтs are like melons, round and firm.
In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, see them and they make you cry."
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Жената и љубовницата заедно во бар познакомились на банкете двое хорошо подвыпивших "новых русских" Двама мъже играят голф. Двама мъже вървят по улицата. Пред тях вървят две жени. Единият казва: Dos amigos van por la calle Отишли двама приятели на бар. Пред тях стояли две жени. Единият казал: Due signore in giro per la città. La prima: "Oh Deux vieilles amies blondes Por la calle van dos amigos Deux gars discutent : - "Tu vois ces deux blondes
Two man playing golf were held up by two women playing in front of them.
One man said: "I'll walk up to them and tell them to hurry up."
When he returned he said: "I have a problem, one of the women is my wife and the other one is my mistress."
The second man said: "I'll walk up to them and hurry them up."
He came back and said: "We both have the same problem.”
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Three women are out clubbing and they spot a club that says, "Women Only."
Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The first floor has a sign on the door that reads, "All men here are short and plain."
The women laugh and continue up to the second floor.
The sign reads, "All men here are tall and plain."
Still this isn't good enough, and the women proceed to the third floor.
"All men here are short and handsome."
The women still want more and go to the fourth floor, where the sign reads, "All men here are tall and handsome."
This is perfect and the women are preparing to go in, when they realise that there is still one more floor.
They go up one floor and read the sign.
"There are no men here. This floor is built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
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Како жената се спасила од ќотекот на пијаниот сопруг? Frau geschlagen Влиза жена при доктора Kommt eine Frau mit geschwollenem Gesicht zum Arzt und sagt: A woman goes to the Doctor A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue. Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor a woman goes to the doctor with a black eye Een bont en blauw geslagen vrouw komt bij de dokter. De dokter vraagt onmiddellijk wat er gebeurt is. De vrouw zegt “Elke keer als mijn man dronken thuis komt Yüzü gözü mosmor bir kadın doktora gider. Doktor: - Hanımefendi ne oldu size? Kadın: - Doktor bey Une femme entre chez son médecin
A woman who was beaten black and blue, went to the doctor.
Doctor:
"What happened?"
Woman:
"Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunк, he beats me to a pulp."
Doctor:
"I have a real good medicine for that. Whenever your husband comes home inebriated, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle."
Two weeks later she returns to the doctor,and looks reborn and fresh again.
Woman:
"Doc, That was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunк, I gargled with chamomile tea and gargled and nothing happened."
Doctor:
"You see how keeping your mouth shut helps!"
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A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee.
The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically "I guess all those fuскing lessons I took this winter didn't help."
One of the men immediately replies, "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
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A woman comes up to me and says, "Hey sеxy you lost 185 lbs and now you have money."
"You wanna be my sugar daddy?"
"Nope I'm diabetic!"
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Какво означава противоречиви чувства? Пример за смесени чувства: Какво означава "смесени чувства"? Реклама на застрахователна компания: Was sind gemischte Gefühle? Wenn deine Schwiegermutter in deinem neuen Mercedes rückwärts auf eine Klippe zufährt. Qu'est-ce qu'un sentiment partagé ? Ta belle-mère qui percute un poids-lourds au volant de ta nouvelle voiture. Wat is het toppunt van gemengde gevoelens?? Je schoonmoeder in je gloednieuwe BMW een ravijn in zien rijden. Mężczyzna mówi do żony: - Teściowa jechała moim samochodem i wpadła w przepaść. - No i? - odpowiada żona. - No i mam mieszane uczucia. Hvad er blandede følelser? Det er når svigermor kører ud over en dyb afgrund uden chance for at overleve - I DIN NYE BIL!!! Kiedy są mieszane uczucia? - Gdy teściowa spada w przepaść Twoim samochodem. Sentimente amestecate: Sa-ti cada soacra in prapastie cu masina Ta... - Mi az abszolút vegyes érzelem? - Ha látjuk Blandade känslor uppstår när svärmor kör ut från en djup avgrund utan en chans för att överleva – I DIN NYA BIL!!!
Q:What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A:When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.
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Why dont women wear watches?
There's a clock on the stove.
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Being a very religious kind of person, when I checked into my hotel, I said to the woman at the desk; "I hope the pоrn channel in my room is disabled."
"No," she said, "It's regular pоrn, you sick b*stard!"
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