The Olympics of who has more children.
A battle between an American, a Brit, and a Filipino.
It's a competition of who has the most number of children the story of how the Filipino beat the American and a Brit.
It's the Olympics and a lot of audience gathered in a dome, a massive 80,000-seater oval dome. All seats are filled. Even the stairs and hallways are filled with people who can't find seats anywhere. It was the contest of the century.
First contestant is the American.. He walked into the middle of the dome and asked for the gates to be opened. In came 6 blue buses. Then all of the people inside the buses came out. All wearing blue with their father's family name on yheir chest. The American shouted.. "I present to you... my children. The crowd gave an applause.
All 300 people in the buses were fathered by the American. The crowd gave a gentle applause and the American was very proud. He thinks to himself. "Ah, with 300 children, who can beat me?" he walks proudly to the side of the grounds with his kids with his сhin high and fists in the air. The judges were impressed and gave an approving nod while clapping. Not bad.. Not bad..
The Brit was not impressed though. He shouted to the American. "Is that it? Did you think this is amateur's night?"
He knows he got more. To prove that, he walks into the middle of the dome and asked the croed to calm down. He then asked for the dome roof to be opened. The judges were confused but as soon as the dome roofs were opened, 500 men and women came floating down on red parachutes bearing their family inisgnia. All of them, the Brit's offsprings. The Brit shouted, "My children!" The American was shocked. He didn't think the Brit could beat him. The crowd gave an applause slightly louder than what the American got.
How could anyone beat that? How could the Filipino even beat that?
The Brit walked on to the other side of the dome with his children mighty and proud. Already assuming he's won. The crowd gave an applause and the Brit vowed shouting his thanks.
Third and final contestant, the Filipino.
He walked into the middle of the dome with nothing around to be seen that could be carrying his offsprings. The crowd goes silent. He stood very still doing nothing. A minute passed, still nothing. The judges were confused. They did not know if the Filipino even know what contest he joined into. Looks like he's gonna lose. He was just there, silently standing in the middle of the dome. The judges, keeps looking around looking for any indication of something that could be hiding his children that might be waiting for a grand entrance or something.
The Brit laughed at his opponent already thinking that he won and that the Filipino doesn't have have any offsprings at all. The brit's children joined in and started to laugh at the Filipino too. Even the American and his kids joined in booing and laughing at the Filipino. A minute of laughter amd booing from the two camps all while the Filipino just standing there.
But suddenly, the Filipino raised his hands and the crowd goes silent. Very silent that you could hear the birds chirping. All the more the Brit, American and judges were confused.
Then, it started. A tiny sound from the back of the crowd slowly, steadily growing chant. "What the hеll is happening? What are they chanting?" The Brit's smile suddenly turned into a shocked look.
Still, the chant can be heard growing louder and louder every second.. Then finally... The Brit understood what they were singing. From a soft noise, it's now very clear. The judges can now understood every word that the crowd is chanting.
The crowd was chanting "Daddy! Go, go, go! Daddy! Go, go, go! Daddy!" like a football game's crowd singing wildly when a goal has gone in.
The crowd bursts into a booming sound. Cheering. Whistles here and there. Howling. A massive applause. The crowd goes wild!
"Go Dadddddyyyy!"
"Yeah dad!"
Apparently, the whole dome is filled with his children. All 80,000 seats, filled with his children. Even the people on the stairs and hallways are his kids. Cheering for their dad.
It's clear who the champion is.
And that's the story of how the Filipino gathered all his offsprings to be the only audience to a contest he's in.
An annual weaponry competition is being held.
There is one representative each from every country. Each representative wields the main weapon of sorts from their culture. A fly is released within the range if the representative and they must cut it. The nore precise or beautiful the cut, the more points.
The next competitor goes up, representing the USA as a Native American. He readies his tomahawk and the fly is released. He brings the tomahawk down, cutting the fly clean in two. The audience shouts in appraisal.
The next competitor steps up, representing India. He says a quick prayer and the fly is released. The khanda in his hand slices horizontally and the fly is also split in two, except horizontally. The crowd cheers racuously.
The next competitor steps forth, representing Japan. He brandishes his odachi and puts it back in the scabbard. The fly is released and the swordsman clicks his sword back in. A second later, the fly splits into eight pieces. The audience woah-s in amazement.
The final competitor goes up, representing the Philippines. He walks in indignation, clutching a scythe. The audience boos him, saying "That's not a sword!" and so on. Nevertheless, he readies his scythe and the fly is released. He slashes and the fly seems untouched. The crowd laughs in mocking tones, but the Filipino competitor grabs the mic and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, look closer, and you'll see that this fly won't be a father anytime soon."
An American, a Japanese, and a Filipino are relaxing along the upper board of a cruise ship.
All of a sudden, the American throws his iPhone to the ocean.
The Japanese, suprised, asked the American, "Why throw iPhone?"
The American replied, "Don't worry man, there are lots of iPhone in the states."
The Filipino mumbled, "Wow, what a waste."
The Japanese went to his quarter, took out his laptop, then throws it to the ocean.
The American, to his surprise, asked the Japanese, "Hey, why did you do that?"
The Japanese replied, "No worry! In Japan, we have many raputappu."
The Filipino mumbled again, "Dамn this rich мотhеrfuскеr. He could have given the laptop to me instead."
A few moments later, a Korean guy approached them and said hi. Suddenly, the Filipino pushed the Korean out of the ship into the ocean. The Japanese and American are both surprised but before anyone could speak out, the Filipino said,
"Don't worry, der are lats op Korean in da Pilipins."
Note:
Sorry for grammar, English is not my native language.
Since I am half-Chinese and half-Filipino, and in recognition of AAPI month, I shall relate what happened visiting the eye doctor. I had been having trouble seeing while driving, so I went to my eye doctor, who happens to be Asian like me. He did the usual things, the eye charts, peering into my eyes, glaucoma test, etc. Finally, he sat back and said,
"I know why you have trouble seeing while driving. You have a cataract."
"Bad guess, doc," I replied. "I have a Mercedes."
So John and Peter were riding a flight on Philippine Airlines, everything was going smoothly, and then something went wrong with the engine!
Sirens were blaring in the cockpit, and the pilot issued a PSA to the cabin saying "Dear passengers, this is your captain speaking. unfortunately we have lost one engine, but do not worry, I will ensure your safety.
The plane lands on water, and the captain calmly says,
"Hello passengers, we have successfully landed on the water, I hope all of you are fine! Now, all of the people who can swim, please go to the right side of the plane. The people who can't, please go to the left.
Peter mentioned to John, "Pare (word in filipino meaning close friend), this is what I love about Philippine Airlines! They always have backup plans for every situation!"
John replied, "Yeah, pare, I agree, the crew is well trained in these situations!"
After everyone was arranged according to their swimming abilities, the captain spoke, "Everyone who can are on the right side of the plane, please evacuate the plane immediately and carefully. And to those on the left side of the plane..."
"Thank you for flying Philippine Airlines."
An Asian woman on a plane sees her Asian seat-mate reading a book on Asian Stereotypes.
A little offended, yet equally curious, she asks her seat-mate "What does the book say?"
Her seat mate says:
"According to this book, Filipino women are beautiful, Japanese women are smart, and Vietnamese women are faithful".
Taken aback by the slightly chauvinistic and stereotypical nature of the book's assertions, the woman asks:
"Are these based on facts?"
Her seatmate says:
"Not exactly, but these haven't been disproved either." He then turns to the woman and asks, "What's your name, by any chance?"
The woman thinks for a bit, and says "Maria Nguyen-Suzuki"