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Who said grapes are soft? They never cry when you step on them, they just let out a bit of wine.

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Good jokes

Why did the lights go out?
They liked each other a lot.

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I have the memory of an elephant.
I very clearly remember seeing an elephant once in the Chicago zoo.

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I bought shoes from a second hand shop. I think they must've belonged to some junкiе though because I've been tripping the whole day.

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I got drunк yesterday and ate some scrabble tiles because it seemed fun. Now that I'm sober, I fear my next роор could spell disaster.

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What kind of a driver doesn’t know how to drive?
The screwdriver.

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My friend commented that my clothes looked pretty gаy. Well, said I, they did come out of the closet...

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Once you contract an infection of the bladder, urinе trouble.

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I just stepped on some Cheerios on the floor.
You can call me a cereal killer now!

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Why does your dog run into the corner each time the веll rings?
He’s a Boxer.

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Good jokes | Jokes about Dogs

Why are Apple staff absolutely forbidden to fаrт in Apple stores?
Because there are no windows.

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Why are there so few schools in the jungles of eastern Africa?
Because there are too many cheetahs.

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Good jokes | School Jokes

Somebody stole all my lamps. I couldn’t be more delighted.

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When you get depressed in the middle of winter, just chuck some butter from your window.
You’ll see a butterfly.

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I forgot to turn off the oven yesterday, but it's OK - I just got some Darth Vader cookies. A bit on the dark side.

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Good jokes | Star Wars Jokes

What should a proper lawyer wear to a court?
A good law suit.

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Good jokes | Lawyer Jokes

Shouldn’t pregnant women be called body builders?

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Good jokes

What is a typical diet of a sea monster?
Fish and ships.

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Good jokes | Jokes about Diets and Weight Loss