Military Jokes About The Army, And Air Force

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The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

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Chuck Norris lit a match and ended the Cold War.

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Q: What is the best Iraqi job ?
A: Foreign Ambassador.

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Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile ?
A: Aeroflot has killed more people.

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Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!

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Q: What do you call a roman warrior after оrаl sеx?
A: Gladiator.

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A large number of Black soldiers died in Iraq war because every time their chief said:
"Get on the floor!" they stood up and started dancing.

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Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.

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A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an exposition to the Amazon Forest. After a while they get lost. So as they are walking suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says "Hey, your in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said,
"Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said,
"Bring me the gun"
And the man from New York said,
"Bring me a fork"
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought it the items and gave it to them.
The guy from France said, “for the France!” And drank the poison and died.
The man from Britain said, “long live the queen!” And shot himself and died.
And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUСКЕRS”

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The only reason Osama Bin Laden is dead is because they finally let Chuck Norris into Pakistan...

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What is the best job in a country which is war-prone?
"Foreign ambassador."

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At an exhibition of military painting a visitor was admiring a picture.
"What a great realist that painter is!" he exclaimed.
"What painter?"
"The one that painted this picture 'Soldiers at Work'."
"Yes, hut something is wrong there. Those soldiers aren't working at all!"
"That is just the greatest sтrоке of realism in the picture!"

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During the Vietnam War, Chuck Norris allowed himself to be captured.
For torture, they made him eat his own entrails.
He asked for seconds.

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Hiroshima nagasaki was nothing but the result of chuck norris skydiving in Japan.

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As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's
office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation.
"Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one.
"You didn't really do that, did you?"
"You would never get through basic training," scoffed another.
The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him.
When she finally spoke, she simply asked,
"Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"

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Before Chuck Norris can register as a soldier, all wars suddenly end.

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R. Lee Ermey's war face is the face he made when he saw Chuck Norris ready to attack.

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English man Irish man Scotch man are in a desert, they got captured by the Germans.
The Germans say, I will give you one thing before you die.
The Englishman man say water, the Scotch man say whiskey, the Irish man says a car door.
The Germans say, why do you want a car door.
The Irish man says, because when it gets hot, it can wind down the window.

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