Military Jokes About The Army, And Air Force

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A Kentuckian entered the US Army and was in his first week of basic training.
He lived in the back hills and was not used to the modern amenities.
On the first day, he was issued a comb.
On the second day they sent him to the barber to cut off his hair.
On the third day he was issued a toothbrush and toothpaste.
On the fourth day he was sent to the dentist and they pulled ten of his teeth.
On the fifth day he was issued an athletic supporter.
On the sixth day he went AWOL.

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Human blood type is usualy 0+, A+ or AB...
Chuck Norris blood tipe is AK-47

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Chuck Norris does not submit to homeland security, he IS homeland security.

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The true reason why the Nаzi's lost the war was because they stopped trying after they found out Chuck Norris had a summer home in Russia.

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An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.
The CO says "Are you crazy?
You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass?
You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"
So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!
The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?"
"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs.
I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank.
I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up.
I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"

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Chuck Norris flew boats in the Vietnam War.

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A bulletproof jacket is an imitation of Chuck Norris' beard.

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Iran reveals a plan to test its first Chuck Norris within a week.

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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

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Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

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Roses are red,my name is Dan,I have a gun,GET IN THE VAN!

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"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Sеамаn, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and рiss on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Sеамаn replied.
"Once, I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!

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America doesn't need a military...
We've got Chuck Norris

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World War II started because Burger King sсrеwеd up Chuck Norris' order.
Today Burger King NEVER gives you onions unless you ask for them.

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Two old soldiers, Fred and Harry, are sitting in their club.
Harry turns to Fred and says, ‘When was the last time you made love to a woman?’
Fred thinks for a moment then says, ‘1947.’
‘Good heavens,’ says Harry.
‘That’s a very long time ago.’
‘Not reall

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3 citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI, their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot them, he walked out in shame and said he couldn’t do it. The second guy had the same scenario, he put the gun up but couldn’t pull the trigger so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario, he walked out and told the instructor, “The gun wasn’t loaded, I had to strangle the вiтсh.”

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Q: What's brown and in the military?
A: Gomer's pile.

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Chuck Norris once joined the Army.
That's how the motto, "An Army of One" was created.

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