Old People Jokes

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Съдят 75-годишна баба за убийство. Съдията пита: Съдят 75-годишна баба. Баба на суд обвинета за убиство: Dia 8 de abril Your honour - Kan ni vänligen tala om hur gammal ni är? frågade försvarsadvokaten. - Jag är 86 år gammal
Defence Attorney: Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady: No, I didn’t stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: He began to rub my вrеаsтs.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so “spicy” that I just laid down and told him “Take me, young man. Take me now!”
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Little Old Lady: Неll, no! He just yelled, “April Fools!” And that’s when I shot the little ваsтаrd.
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Two women are discussing life in the retirement village they live in with their spouses and how they like it. One woman tells the other that she misses sеx though to which the other replies that her and her hubby still have sеx whenever she wants. The first woman asks how and the second woman says every so often when he's in the bathroom getting ready for bed she gets nакеd and lays on the bed holding her legs up in the air so when he comes out he can't help but have sеx with her. The first woman decides to try this a couple of weeks later. Her husband is in the bathroom getting ready for bed so she gets nакеd, lays down and struggles to get one leg up and then the other as she's holding them shakily. Her husband comes out and exclaims, "Good Lord woman, put in your teeth and brush your hair....you're starting to look like an аsshоlе!"
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im Krankenhaus Звъни се в болницата: A woman called a local hospital. "Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients. I'd like to find out if a patient is getting better
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph ‘s Hospital. She timidly asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?”
The operator said, “I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the name and room number of the patient?”
The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, “Norma Findlay, Room 302.”The operator replied, “Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse’s station for that room.”
After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, “I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow.”
The grandmother said, “Thank you. That’s wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news.”
The operator replied, “You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?”
The grandmother said, “No, I’m Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me shiт.”
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OK, we all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast.

But did you know that:

$665.95 - Retail price of the Beast
$699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% sales tax
$769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
$656.66 - Walmart price of the Beast
6, uh... what was that number again? - Number of the Blonde Beast
00666 - Zip code of the Beast
1-900-666-0666 - Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! Only $6.66/minute. Over 18 only please.
Route 666 - Highway of the Beast
666 F - Oven temperature for roast Beast
666k - Retirement plan of the Beast
6.66 % - 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast National Bank, $666 minimum deposit.
i66686 - CPU of the Beast
666i - BMW of the Beast
DSM-666 - Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
668 - Next-door neighbor of the Beast
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Τι έχει αυτή; Num asilo de velhos Dans une maison de retraite Howard is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner Georgette en Marcelleke wonen beiden in een bejaardentehuis Bob vieillit et ses enfants ont décidé de le placer dans un centre de vie assistée. Bob était d'abord réticent à y aller. La femme de Bob était décédée plusieurs années plus tôt En 92-årig man flyttade in på ett ålderdomshem där han mötte en 90-årig kvinna och det var kärlek vid första ögonkastet. Efter att ha tillbringat ett par veckor tillsammans sa mannen: - Vi har ju... Duas velhinhas resolveram fazer uma aposta para ver quem conquistaria um velhinho amigo delas: A Joana ligou para o José e disse: — Vamos assistir ao jogo amanhã. Eu pago a tua entrada C'est un couple de petits vieux qui se forme dans une maison de retraite. C'est Robert et Jacqueline. Un jour Georgette et Marcel sont pensionnaires d'une maison de retraite et ils ont une relation. Ils ont tous les deux 95 ans et ils sont cloués sur leur fauteuil roulant. Chaque soir ils ont un... O n Fred’s 86th birthday one of his female neighbors Un uomo e una donna Un mos la azil ii povesteste unei colege ca raposata sotie ii tinea pu*a in maini la culcare si numai asa putea sa adoarma. Batrana miloasa ii ajuta deci si ea sa poata dormi mosul. Si intr-adevar... Senelių namuose susidraugavo du senukai. Vyras tarė: - Mes per seni Всяка вечер в Клуба на пенсионера бай Гошо има среща с баба Пена пред телевизора за любимия сериал. Докато тече сериалът
An old man and old woman met after both became residents at a retirement home. They began to get pretty friendly, and really enjoyed each other’s company.
After about 3 weeks of getting to know each other, the old man said to the woman, “I know we are both old and can’t do much sexually anymore, but if I pulled out my реnis, would you hold it?”
The woman did not see what that would hurt, so she said she would. Every day for the next month the couple would sit in the park by the lake and the old woman would hold the man’s реnis.
One day the man didn’t show up at their regular meeting place. The woman became concerned and set out to search for him. Further down the shore she spotted him sitting on a bench, with another woman beside him. She walked up to the bench to find his реnis in the other woman’s hand.
This upset her very much and she yelled at the old man, “We have been together for 2 months now, I thought we were getting along just fine. Now I find you here with this other woman. What does she have that I don’t?”
“Parkinsons!” replied the old man with a smile.
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