Newest jokes

Mom, can I get a brother?
Sorry, darling. The stork doesn’t bring us babies anymore.
Well then perhaps you can talk to another bird?

0

0

“Have you got anything to drink?”
“Water.”
“I meant something harder?”
“Ice.”

0

0

I met an amazing man at a party on Saturday. Wonderful listener, great looking... I gave him my number and winked at him to call me when he gets home. It’s been 4 days, I’m really starting to worry the poor guy is homeless.

0

0

The boss said I should go home because I really don't look good.
I don't know if I should be happy to get the extra rest, or just offended.

0

0

How to keep your rent constantly low?
Shoot out of the window once a week.

0

0

Honey, do you think I'm fат?
Weeeell, let's put it this way: You're the greatest!

0

0

I hate my mood swings. They're great!

0

0

One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing inтеrсоursе, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!

0

0

When you are going back to where you live from a place that is a time zone behind where you live:
“looks like I am going back to the future!”

0

0

Sans:why was the skeleton depressed? because frisk keeps reseting and it resets when he lost his phone

0

0

Hate when my phone dies instead of me )

0

0

When deaf people people see someone yawning do they think their screaming

0

0

Pizza hut

0

0

Papa John’s pizzeria and abortion clinic, You make 'em we bake 'em

0

0

Can you drive a pizza? Of course as long as you change the olive oil.

0

0

What is the best way to make a leaf. Go down back around and stir up a tree. Make it spin watch again. Oven baking ding we’re done!

0

0

When you put the chicken in the oven and it goes down and the oven explodes oven and smoke and everything is fire and on fire and flies to the grass and all goes back

0

0

Nobody really liked our fireplace. So I turned it into a brick pizza oven. Idk why but now everyone likes our fireplace.

0

0