Pet Jokes

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Our neighbour’s dog shat in our garden, so my mum told me to get a shovel and throw it over the fence.
I don’t see what that solved, now we’ve got dog shiт in our garden and the neighbours have our shovel.

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Funny Cat Jokes | Cat Humor

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“What happened to your cat? He was running around the whole village like the devil was on his tail.”
“Well he got castrated yesterday and now he’s canceling all his dates.”

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Two neighbors meet:
"Your cat killed my Pitbull."
"No way, that is impossible."
"Yes, he choked on her."

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What is the difference between a man and a cat?
One eats a lot, is lazy and doesn’t care who brings the food. The other is a pet.

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Emergency call at the police station:
"Please come quick. It’s a life and death situation. Our dog has become very aggressive. He might do something to me."
"Who is there?"
"The cat."

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Bob to Joe, "What the heck, Joe, I’ve just heard your dog meowing. How come?!"
"Ah yeah, that’s OK! He is just learning a second language."

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How did the cat get the first prize at a bird show?
Somebody didn’t shut the champion’s cage properly.

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Two cats are sitting in front of bird’s cage and observe a newly arrived green canary.
One cat says to the other, “It really is a strange color for a bird. Maybe he’s not ripe yet.”

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A соw says to a small kitten, "Look at you, so small and already such long fасiаl hear."
The kitten cooly replies,
"Yeah, look at you, so big but still no вrа."

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A woman sits in a diner. A cat comes in, buys a chocolate ice cream and leaves.
The woman is totally astonished, “Wow – that was unusual”.
The diner manager agrees, “That’s right. She’s never asked for anything else but strawberry before.”

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A woman gets a hysterical phone call, “Your cat ate my canary!!!”
Woman, “Thank you for telling me. I don’t have to feed her today then, right?”

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A Chinese student is looking for an inexpensive room to rent. He finds one, but the owner warns him, “Yes, you can have the room. But we have a dog and two cats. I hope you like them.”
“No problem,” beams the student, “I’m happy to eat anything!”

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“Our cat was sтuрid enough to drink some gasoline yesterday. She spent two hours racing through the flat, then just flopped on her back and was totally still. “
“Oh no, is she dead?”
“No, just ran out of gas”

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In the middle of the desert one cat says to the other,
“Oh boy, I have to рее so badly.”
“Why don’t you just do it?”
“I can’t. There is no litter box.”

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Two gangsters are about to break out of prison. The first one jumps off a wall into a trash container.
The guard shouts, "Who’s there?"
Gangster replies,
"Meoooooow!"
The guard is relieved, "Ah ok, just a cat."
Then the second gangster jumps.
The guard gets suspicious, "Hello, anybody there?"
The second gangster yells, "Nah, just the cat again!"

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“My wife loves cats. But she’s got 40 of them and they cause a gruesome smell in our flat.”
“I guess you should air more often to battle that.”
“No can do, if we opened the windows, my 150 pigeons would fly away”

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More cat jokes:
Why is it a bad idea to play poker with a jungle cat?
Chances are it is a cheetah.

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