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Neutron goes into a house of ill repute and enjoys the company of a particularly seductive girl. When he’s leaving and asks how much he should pay, she smiles at him, batting her eyelids and breathes, “For you, there’s no charge.”

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Chemistry Jokes

What do you get when you replace the carbon atoms with iron in a benzene ring? A ferrous wheel!

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Chemistry Jokes

All this arguing whether the glass is half full or half empty is futile. It is always full, only in varying ratios of liquid and gas.

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Chemistry Jokes

What is so great about nitrates? You get double the pay of the dayrates.

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Chemistry Jokes

Titanium is a right old sluт. It combines with just about anything when it gets in a heat.

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Chemistry Jokes

Why is it not a good idea to get romantically involved with a hemiacetal? Because he is seriously unstable and always has some alcohol.

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Chemistry Jokes

My experiment blew up, annihilating the entire lab. But that’s life, oxidants happen.

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Chemistry Jokes

Two atoms are walking along when one says, “Hey, somebody just stole my electron!”
“Are you sure?” asks the other electron.
“Yeah, I’m positive!”

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Chemistry Jokes

What to do with a chemist who’s gotten sick? If you can’t curium and you can’t helium, find a good spot to barium.

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Chemistry Jokes

Sometimes, Cesium and Iodine get together and watch telly. CSI is their preference.

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Chemistry Jokes

What is H2O4? It’s for drinking, washing, gargling… you name it.

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Chemistry Jokes

So when a king farts, does that make it a noble gas?

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Chemistry Jokes

Everybody knows H2O is the formula for water. But what about ice? H2O2!

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Chemistry Jokes

Cole’s Law – mostly about cabbage, really.

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Chemistry Jokes

Photons have a big advantage at airport check-ins. They are travelling light.

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Chemistry Jokes

I went to the crappest party of my life yesterday. It was deathly dull and should have been called an Ode to Bohrium.

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Chemistry Jokes

A new element was found and added to the periodic table recently. It is called Unobtanium and is naturally found in small, flexible green and white rectangles called bills.

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Chemistry Jokes

What is a chemist’s solution to times of hunger? Titrations.

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Chemistry Jokes