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Momster (n):
What happens to mom, after she counts to three...
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Dictionary
Προσέχτε μην σας τύχει...
Просто си седях в тоалетната на гарата, когато чух глас от съседната кабина:
Един човек влиза в някаква тоалетна.
Влагам у ВЦ у Рамстор, и седнувам на шољата. Кога од соседната кабина слушам:
Μόλις είχα καθήσει, όταν ακούω μία φωνή από δίπλα να μου λέει:
Заходит мужик в туалет. Снял штаны, Сел, срёт. За стенкой слышит голос : Привет! - Привет! - Как дела ? - Нормально. - Что делаешь? - Сру! Потом слышит: Ты извини, я тебе по позже позваню, а то тут какой-то придурак за стенкой на мои вопросы отвечает.
Jag hade precis satt mig ner på den offentliga toaletten när jag hörde en röst från toaletten bredvid som sa, - Hej hur mår du? Jag är ju inte precis den typen som brukar konversera med främlingar när jag sitter på toaletten men jag vet inte vad som...
Ich war auf der Autobahn als ich mich entschloss kurz anzuhalten um auf die Toilette zu gehen. Das Erste war besetzt, also ging ich in das zweite..... Kaum sitze ich, sagt eine Stimme aus dem...
Un gars rentre dans un bar il va aux toilettes et à peine il se met sur la cuvette qu
Сидить чоловік у туалеті, раптом із сусідньої кабінчи чує: — Привіт! Він подумав... І відповідає: — Ну привіт! — Як справи? — Нормально. — Слухай, я тобі передзвоню, а то тут якийсь придурок зі...
Ero in autostrada, quando decisi di fermarmi ad un autogrill per andare alla toilette. Il primo bagno era occupato, quindi entrai nel secondo. Appena mi sedetti sulla tazza sentii una voce...
J
Genç adam, İstanbul
Oggi sono entrato in un bagno pubblico ed appena ho chiuso la porta ho sentito la voce nel bagno accanto dire: "Ciao, come stai?" Allora ho risposto: "Bene, grazie, te?" La voce ha continuato: "Che...
C
I was in in the public restroom. I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall:
"Hi, how are you?"
Me: (embarrassed) "Doin' fine!"
Stall: "So what are you up to?"
Me: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here."
Stall: "Can I come over?"
Me: (attitude) "No, I'm a little busy right now!!"
Stall: "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiот in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!
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Jokes
- Киро, отивам командировка в Мадрид за 3 дни. Какъв подарък искаш да ти донеса от там?
Redneck told wife - When are you going to Britain for your training, dear?
Una mujer se va de viaje a Brasil para asistir a un curso de entrenamiento de dos semanas de su empresa. Su esposo la llevó al aeropuerto y le deseó un feliz viaje. La esposa le contestó:
A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. The wife answers :
Charles era um sujeito muito brincalhão. Certo dia a sua esposa estava indo para a França, em uma viagem de negócios e lhe perguntou: — Você quer que eu traga uma lembrancinha? — Ah, eu quero! —...
Wife: I am going to Madrid, what gift do you want?
Husband: One Spanish Girl...
Wife returns from Madrid
Husband: Where is my gift?
Wife: Wait for nine months...
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Men-Women jokes
| USA
Отива една мадама при лекаря:
Пришла одна баба к врачу.
При доктора:
A woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac." "I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour." "That
- Va rog sa ma ajutati, domnule doctor, ii spune o nimfomana sexologului. Ce sa ma mai fac? Niciodata nu-mi ajunge sexul, intotdeauna vreau mai mult... - Bine, am sa vad ce pot sa fac, spune...
Жінка, лежачи на кушетці на прийомі у психіатра, каже: — Лікарю, у мене проблема: я німфоманка. — Ой, вибачте, я ж не осказал вам розцінки. Година коштує 80 євро. — А ніч?
A lady says to the psychiatrist, "I think I might be a nymphomaniac."
He says, "I'll see what I can do to help you. My fee is eighty dollars an hour."
She says, "How much for all night?"
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Money jokes
| Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke
| Dirty jokes
| Sex Jokes
6 годишният ми син: Тате, драконите огън ли пръцкат? Аз: Не знам. Сина ми: Мислех, че си ходил в университет?!
6-year-old: Do dragons fаrт fire?
Me: I don't know.
6: I thought you went to college
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Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes
Пари
Congressman
- Give me your money!
- Това е обир, давай парите си!
Грабитель на темной улочке останавливает одинокого пешехода:
Eines späten Abends in Berlin wird ein gut gekleidedter älterer Herr von einem maskierten Räuber überfallen: "Los, gib
Un político se pierde en el camino. Entonces un ladrón se le acerca con una pistola y le grita: -¡Esto es un asalto, deme todo su dinero! -¿Pero acaso no sabe con quien se está metiendo? ¡Soy un político muy importante! -Ah...en ese caso, ¡devuélvame todo mi dinero!
Dammi i tuoi soldi! Sono un politico Allora dammi i miei soldi
Un ladrón coge a un hombre por la calle. - Deme todo su dinero. - Oiga, usted ni se imagina con quien está hablando. Soy un político muy influyente. El ladrón le mira y le dice: - En ese caso, devuelvame todo mi dinero.
Um ladrão se aproxima de um senhor posudo e diz: — Me passe já o seu dinheiro. O senhor fica indignado e retruca, de dedo em riste: — O quê? O senhor sabe com quem está falando? Eu sou de-pu-ta-do!...
O ladrão foi assaltar um político: - Passa o dinheiro! - Calma! Calma! Eu sou deputado. - Ah, nesse caso! Passa o MEU dinheiro.
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The Thief says: “Give me your money.” The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: “But, wait! You can’t do...
Un rapinatore va da una persona e dice: "Dammi i tuoi soldi!" Ma lui risponde: "Ma io sono un politico!" E il rapinatore risponde: "Allora dammi i miei soldi!".
Egy rabló pisztollyal megy az utcán. Meglát egy öltönyös gazdag embert ahogy kiszáll a BMW-ből. - Ez biztos nagyon gazdag.- gondolja. Odamegy a pisztollyal és elkiáltja magát! - Add ide a pénzed! -...
Un ladrón a punta de pistola, se cruza con un tipo: - ¡Deme todo su dinero!. El hombre se sorprende, pero en lugar de asustarse lo increpa: - Oiga, usted no sabe con quién se está metiendo. Soy un...
- ¡Esto es un asalto, déme todo su dinero! - ¿Usted no sabe que yo soy político? - Disculpe, entonces ... ¡déme todo mi dinero!
Egy rabló megállít egy embert, és ezt kiáltja: - Ide a pénzt! Erre az ember: - No de kérem, én országgyűlési képviselő vagyok! - Ja az más. AKKOR IDE A PÉNZEM!
Presretne pljačkaš sa fantomkom na glavi uglađenog gospodina u novom odelu: - Daj mi tvoje pare, odmah! Uplašeni gospodin diže ruke uplašen i kaže: - Ali, ja.. Ja sam političar. - A jel
Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the robber, "Give me MY money!"
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Money jokes
| Men jokes
| Government and Government employees jokes
| Political Joke
A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father,
"Dad, how soon will I be old enough to do as I please?"
The father answered immediately,
"I just don't know, son. No male has ever lived that long yet."
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One Liner Jokes, Short jokes
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirтy, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
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Jokes about Women
| Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
| Dirty jokes
| Friendship Jokes
Това, което е по-лошо от изкуствения интелект,
Искусственный интеллект,
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
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Computers
What’s a man’s definition of safe sеx?
Meeting his mistress at least 30 miles from his house.
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Men jokes
| Sex Jokes
Husband admiring his body in the mirror says to wife "look at that, 14 stones of pure dynamite !"
Wife replies "yeah, shame about the 2 inch fuse..."
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Men-Women jokes
| Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
| Men jokes
Do you remember, before the internet, that it was thought that the cause of collective stupidity was the lack of access to information?
Well ... it wasn't that
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Jokes
В детсвото, когато ходиш до тоалетна, бягаш на връщане и скачаш в леглото, доволен че чудовището под леглото не те е хванало.
Childhood is when you go to the toilet in the night and then you run back and jump in your bed, glad that the monster under the bed didn’t get you.
Adulthood is when the monster lies in the bed next to you.
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Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 6 year old son wasn't actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
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School Jokes
| Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
| Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes
| One Liner Jokes, Short jokes
| Dad Jokes
Двама мъже хванали две монахини и почнали да ги изнасилват.
Двама изнасилват две монахини. Едната казва:
2 monjas que las estan violando a la vez.
Dos violadores que ingresan al convento Santa Clara, y a las dos primeras monjas que las encuentran a su paso las violan, de inmediato. - Una de las monjas mirando al cielo: Perdónalo Señor, no sabe lo que hace. -Replicando la otra monja: Eso será el tuyo porque el mío es un experto.
Dos monjitas están siendo violadas, y una de ellas exclama: - Padre, perdónalo, porque no sabe lo que hace! A lo que la otra responde: - No generalizes, que el mío sí que sabe!
Två nunnor strosar genom en mörk gränd då två stora män hoppar fram och börjar våldta dem. Den första nunnan tittar upp mot himlen och skriker. - Förlåt dem fader, ty de vet ej vad de gör. Den...
Twee nonnen lopen door een donker steegje en worden plotseling gegrepen door twee mannen. Terwijl ze wordt verkracht, kijkt een van de nonnen naar de hemel en roept: "God vergeef hen. Zij weten...
Zwei Nonnen werden auf dem Weg ins Kloster von zwei Burschen belästigt. "Herr, ruft die eine, vergib ihnen, denn sie wissen nicht, was sie tun!" "Still, zischt da die andere, meiner weiß es!"
Er lopen twee nonnen door een donkere steeg. Plotseling worden ze overvallen door twee wilde mannen en voor ze het weten liggen ze naakt op de grond. Zegt de ene non tegen de andere: “Oh God...
Het is avond en twee nonnen lopen samen naar de kerk. Ineens worden ze door 2 mannen een steegje ingetrokken. De mannen beginnen de nonnen te betasten en voordat de nonnen het beseffen worden ze...
Dos monjas en el amazonas, las capturan y violan los nativos: - Perdónales Señor, porque no saben lo que hacen, dice una monja. - Será el tuyo, porque el mío es un experto, dice la otra.
Estas son 2 monjas que ivan por la calle y le saltan 2 atracadores, al ver que no tenian dinero decidieron violarlas. Una de las monjas se pone a gritar-Hayy dios mioo!! perdonales no saben lo...
Two nuns are walking back to the convent at night when two men push them into a dark alley and start having sеx with them.
One nun says "God, forgive them for they know not what they are doing!"
The second nun says "Speak for yours! Mine is a Master!"
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Religion jokes
| God
| Dirty jokes
| Sex Jokes
| Communication Jokes
Келнер, дај вотка!
Барман, шест водки с лимонче!
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar.
"What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.
"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responds the young man.
"6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?"
"Yeah, my first bl*wjob."
"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."
"No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
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Men jokes
| Drunk Jokes, Drinking Jokes, Alcohol Jokes, Alcoholic Jokes, Beer Jokes
| Sex Jokes
| Gay jokes
| Walks into a Bar, Bar jokes, Bartender jokes
El chiste de la novia y el WhatsApp
Заљубена девојка праќа СМС
девушка пишет парню: - милый, если ты спишь - отправь мне свои сны....
Влюбено момиче пише СМС с много любов на приятеля си:
lle envoie un sms a son mari:
SMS от жената:
Uma mulher apaixonada envia uma mensagem de texto, com muito amor, ao celular de seu amado dizendo: Meu amor, Se você está dormindo, me envie teus sonhos! Se você está rindo, me envie teu sorriso!...
Een ouder echtpaar had net geleerd hoe je tekstberichten kunt verzenden met je mobiele telefoon. De vrouw is een romantisch type en de man is meer een no-nonsense man. Op een middag gaat de vrouw...
Femme: Si tu pleures, envoies moi tes larmes... Si tu ris, envoies moi ton rire... Si tu écris, envoies moi tes mots... Je t
ELLA LE ENVIA UN SMS AL MOVIL DE SU NOVIO: Mi amor: Si estas durmiendo mándame tus sueños. Si estas riendo mándame tu sonrisa. Si estas llorando mándame tus lagrimas. ¡TE AMO! EL LE RESPONDE: Mi...
My love, If you're smiling, send me your smiles.
If you're sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you're crying send me your tears.
I LOVE YOU
..reply.. .
I'm on the toilet, What should I send you?
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Jokes
Facebook е като хладилник - знаеш, че в него няма нищо, но продължаваш да го проверяваш на всеки 5 минути...
Facebook is like a fridge, you keep checking it and nothing has changed.
Facebook is like a fridge. Every a few minutes you keep opening and closing it to see if there
A Facebook olyan, mint a hűtőszekrény. 15 percenként kinyitogatod, és mindig ugyanaz van benne.
Facebook is like a fridge. Even when u know there's nothing new going on, u still go on & check it every 10 minute.
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Food Jokes
| Facebook Jokes
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