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Eternity is a very long time, especially towards the end.
Woddy Allen

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Funny Quotes

A guy is stopped by traffic police. The police officer asks him to open his trunk – and sees 2 penguins sitting inside. The officer is shocked and says to the guy, “Sir, you’ve got to takes those two to the Zoo right away!” The guy agrees and leaves.
The next day – same place, same police officer – he is stopped again. The officer again asks him to open his trunk, and to his confusion, there are the two penguins sitting again, today with swimming hats on their heads. The officer says, “I told you yesterday that you have to take them to the Zoo, didn’t I?!”
“And I did take them to the Zoo, just like you said. And today we’re going swimming.”

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Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

What's always taken before you can get it?
Your picture.

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Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

Little Kevin rides his bike and yells at his mummy, “Look mom, I can ride the bike with just one hand!”
He goes by the second time and yells excitedly, “Mom, mom, look no hands at all!”
He comes the third time and proudly hollers, “Look mom, no teeth, either!”

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Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

How does a YouTube star stay cool?
By keeping close to his fans.

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Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

What are theSnake’s last words?
"Oh drat, I bit my tongue!"

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Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

A teacher shows Little Johnny a butterfly and asks, “Well, Johnny, what do we call this butterfly?”
Little Johnny says, “That’s a peacock butterfly.”
“Come on, Johnny, peacock butterflies aren’t green!”
“Well maybe this one isn’t ripe yet?”

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School Jokes | Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

A bird meets a snail and asks, “Where are you going?”
The snail says, “To the cherry tree over there.”
The bird is surprised, “But the cherries aren’t ripe yet!”
The snail shrugs, “Well, and I’m not there yet.”

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Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

What does a snail say when he finds himself on a turtle’s back?
Wheeee!!!

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Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

What do you get when you crossbreed a refrigerator and a guitar?
Some really cool music.

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Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

Little Johnny, why on Earth did you cover your pillow with honey?!
I wanted to have sweet dreams.

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Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

A bunny is hopping across the forest and sees a huge pile of роор. The bunny cautiously approaches, puts its finger in it, sniffs, licks lightly and says, “Aha! That’s dog роор. Lucky I didn’t step in it.”

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Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes | Jokes about Dogs

Little Kenny is about to have a big test and his father says:
“You better study real good boy, ‘cause if you don’t pass that test, you can forget that you’re my son!”
The next day Kenny comes home and his dad asks him how he did in the test.
Kenny looks at him and says, “And who are you, dude?”

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Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

Lisa ask Peter, "What are you eating? Are those apple pips?"
Peter replies,
"Yes! And you know what? These are very special ones, they give you knowledge and wisdom."
Lisa asks, "Oh wow, can I have some please?"
Peter answers, "Sure, but it’s 2.50, remember, they’re special."
Lisa agrees, eats the pips and says,
"Hey, I can’t say that I feel any special knowledge or wisdom!"
Peter smiles, "Really? But now you know that pips are really just pips and next time, you will be wise enough not to fall for a sтuрid trick like this."

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Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

A ten-year-old boy comes to his mom and asks her for a snack.
“Sure thing, darling, but first, what’s the magic word?”
“Wow,” the boy shakes his head, “they really put a password on everything these days!”

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Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

“Mummy, could you give me two dollars for this old man on the street?”
“Oh darling, of course, you’re so nice to think of other people. Where is he?”
“There on the corner, selling ice cream for two dollars.”

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Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

What begins with a T, ends with a T and even has T inside it?
A TeapoT.

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Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

Teacher:
"Patrick, you are an hour and a half late for school. What in the world?!"
Student:
"Sorry sir, I had to say bye to all my pets."
Teacher:
"An hour and a half?!"
Student:
"Well it is quite a big ant farm…"

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School Jokes | Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes