Most Popular Jokes

Engel fliegen - Мамо, ангелите летят ли? Das kleine Töchterchen fragt die Mutter: - Мамо, а ангелите летят ли? Малиот Трпе и вика на Трпана: - Мамо, летаат ли ангелите? - Да, душо! - Тато вчера и рече на чистачката дека е ангел, а јас никогаш не сум ја видел да лета. - Утре ќе ја видиш. Curiosidad infantil: Se acerca el niñito a su mami y le pregunta: Mamita, ¿Tú crees en los angelitos? Por supuesto mi hijito. ¿Y es cierto que los angelitos vuelan? ¿Por qué lo preguntas hijito? Es... O garoto chegou para a mãe e perguntou: — Mãe... Anjo vôa? — Vôa, meu filho... É claro! — E como que a nossa empregada não consegue? — Como assim, filho? Que papo é esse? — É que o papai fica... Un matin, Toto demande à sa mère : - Maman, tu crois que la bonne est capable de voler ? - Non, pourquoi me demandes-tu cela ? - Ben, hier j'ai entendu papa l'appeler "mon ange"! - Ah bon? Eh bien,... Una bambina va dalla mamma e le dice: - Mamma mamma la nostra cameriera é un'angelo - Ma perché piccola mia? disse la madre - L'altro giorno era in camera con il papà e gridava DIO VENGO!!... - Anyu, tud a szobalányunk repülni? - Dehogy. Honnan veszed? - Mert tegnap, mikor elmentél itthonról, apu azt mondta neki, hogy ő egy angyal. - Igen? Na, akkor mégis repülni fog! Bir küçük kız annesine sorar; - Anne melekler uçar mı? Anne: - Evet kızım uçar. Kız: - Gerçekten mi? Anne: - Evet kızım, gerçekten. Kız: - Peki bizim hizmetçi kız niye uçmuyor? Anne: - Niye uçsun... Anyu, az angyalok repülnek? Igen kisfiam. Pedig tegnap délután az apu angyalkámnak szólította a bejárónőt És az nem repült. De mindjárt fog, kisfiam! Vaikas: - Mama, ar angelai skraido? - Skraido, skraido. - Vakar tėtis mano auklę pavadino angelu. - Ryt išskris…
Kids Jokes Dad Jokes Love Jokes
Шефа ми пристигна с ново Порше на работа. Викам му "яка кола". Сегодня наш начальник приехал на работу, на новой машине... My boss bought a new sports car and parked it on his space while I was walking by him. - Директоре многу ви е убав новио Мерцедес. O empregado esta em serviço, quando chega o chefe, num lindo carro zero. O empregado não se contém, olha pra ele e diz: Директоре, многу убав Мерцедес сте купиле! - Ааа фала. Ако работиш и натаму напорно како до сега, догодина и на жена ми ке и' купам ваков. - Patrón, me gusta mucho su auto nuevo. - Muchas gracias, si trabajas duro y con mucho esfuerzo.... el próximo será mejor. Pomoni ajoi työpaikan pihaan upouudella bemarilla. "Hieno auto" huudahdin. "Kiitos! Työskentele ahkerasti ja tee ylitöitä niin saan vielä hienomman ensi vuonna"
Office and Work Jokes Sports Jokes Life Jokes Boss Jokes
Wenn ich Namen von Liebespaaren in Bäume eingeritzt sehe, denke ich nicht: "Ach, wie süß." Nein, ich denke: "Erstaunlich, wie viele Leute ein Messer zu einem Date mitbringen." Als ik de namen van geliefden in een boom zie gegraveerd, vind ik het niet schattig of romantisch. Ik vind het raar hoeveel mensen messen meenemen op dates. Когато видя имената на влюбените, издялкани в дърво, не мисля, че е сладко. Мисля, че е притеснително колко много хора носят ножове на срещите си Όταν βλέπω τα ονόματα των εραστών χαραγμένα σε ένα δέντρο, δεν το βρίσκω χαριτωμένο ή ρομαντικό. Βρίσκω περίεργο πόσοι άνθρωποι παίρνουν μαχαίρια μαζί τους στα ραντεβού. Why do some people think it’s cute when lovers carve their names into a tree? I personally think taking a knife on a date is a bit creepy. Cand vad numele Indragostitilor si inimioare sculptate pe copaci nu Mi se pare totusi atat de romantic. Ma gandesc Ca e chiar ciudat cum de atat de multi oameni pleaca La intalnire cu cutitul dupa... Liebespaaren ritzen deren Namen in Bäume. Aber warum bringt da überhaupt jemand ein Messer mit zum Date?
One-Liner Jokes
Пушка ковбой влетает в бар с «кольтом» в руке и кричит: - я хочу знать,... Влиза мъж в бар с пушка. Ein Mann stürm mit einem Revolver in eine Kneipe: Un homme rentre furax dans un bar avec un fusil. - Qui a couché avec ma femme ??? Une voix au fond du bar lui dit: - Je pense, que tu auras pas assez de cartouches... Влиза мъж в бар с пушка. - Кой е спал с жена ми? Чува се глас от дъното: - Нямаш достатъчно куршуми, пич! A man walks into a crowded local bar brandishing a revolver yelling "Who’s been screwing my wife?" A voice from the back of the bar shouts back, "You don’t have enough ammo, mate!" Un homme rentre dans un bar avec un six coup: - C'est qui qui a baisé ma femme que je le tue !!! le barman: - laisse tomber , t' aura pas asser de balles. Um homem tomado pelo ódio, entra armado em um bar cheio e grita: - Vou meter bala em quem transou com minha esposa! E um rapaz do fundo do bar, alerta: - Cara, só quero te avisar que vão faltar balas. П'яний ковбой заходить до переповненого салуну і, розмахуючи кольтом, кричить: "Отже, признавайтесь, хто з вас переспав з моєю дружиною, поки я пас ваших корів, пристрелю кожного!" Всі намагаються... En rasende mann kommer inn på en pub og vifter med en pistol mens han brøler, – Hvem i *piip* er det som har hatt sex med kona mi? En stemme høres bakerst i puben, – Sorry kompis,men du har for... Furieux, un type armé d'un fusil entre dans un bar bondé et se met à hurler : - Je veux savoir quel est le salaud qui baise ma femme ! Une voix répond : - Calme toi. De toute façon, t'auras jamais... A guy with a gun enters in a bar. - Who had sex with my wife? A voice was heard in the background: - You don`t have enough bullets mate!
Dark Humor Jokes
A white-haired old man walked into a jewelry store on a Friday, with a beautiful young lady at his side.
"I'm looking for a special ring for my girlfriend," he said.
Our jeweler looked through our stock and took out an outstanding ring priced at $5,000. "I don't think you understand-I want something very unique," the man said.
At that, our now very excited jeweler went and fetched our special stock from the safe. "Here's one stunning ring at $40,000." The girl’s eyes sparkled, and the man said that he would take it. "How are you paying?" asked our jeweler.
"I'll pay by check; but of course the bank will want to make sure that everything is in order, so I'll write a check and you can phone the bank tomorrow, and then I'll fetch the ring on Monday."
Monday morning, our very disappointed jeweler phoned the man. "You lied, there's no money in that account." "I know, sorry, but can you imagine what a FANTASTIC weekend I had?"
Ο Λαλαούνης нью-йорк. в самый крутой магазин по продаже изделий из меха заходит... Петък вечер старец и доста млада Мужик с потрясной телкой заходят в один из самых дорогих меховых магазинов на Беверли Хиллс. Un hombre entra, acompañado de una preciosa chica, en una tienda super exclusiva. El hombre (dirijiéndose al vendedor) dice: - Por favor, muéstrele a la señorita el más fino abrigo de visón de la tienda. El vendedor regresa con un maravilloso abrigo e imediatamente la joven se lo prueba. ¡Le... Un homme arrive chez Cartier, Place Vendôme à Paris, en compagnie d'une jeune femme splendide, et ensemble, ils choisissent un bijou de 50 000 euros pour elle. Au moment de payer, l'homme sort son... A man walks into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier with a gorgeous blonde on his arm. "Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in the back and comes out... An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Fridayevening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for hisgirlfriend. The jeweler... Um sujeito entra numa loja de peles com uma loira espetacular. Ele diz ao vendedor: — Quero que você dê a esta moça a mais linda estola de pele que você tiver nesta loja. O vendedor mostra algumas... Contributed by Aaron Ray A balding, white haired gentleman from St. Augustine Beach, walked into a jewelry store in a local mall this past last Friday evening with a beautiful ... much younger gal... Een heer komt binnen bij Cartier, Place Vendome in Parijs. Hij is vergezeld van een beeldmooie vrouw en samen kiezen ze een juweel van 50.000 € voor haar. Op het moment dat er moet betaald... Freitag Abend, 18 h, betritt ein 80 jähriger den Edeljuwelier in Frankfurt… In Begleitung eine 30 jährige blonde Schönheit mit geilem Rahmen… Der Juwelier fragt freundlich nach wie er denn helfen... Een wat oudere man, 65+, loopt een juwelierszaak binnen met aan zijn arm een beauty van een jonge dame. Hij zegt tegen de juwelier dat hij iets speciaals zoekt voor zijn vriendin. De juwelier kijkt... Egy férfi bemegy a barátnőjével egy elegáns boltba. A hölgy kiválaszt egy bundát, felpróbálja. A férfi megkérdezi az eladót: - Mennyibe kerül ez a bunda? - 25000 dollár. - Jó, akkor kiállítok egy...
Old People Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Monday jokes Friday jokes Banker Jokes
The pentagon said they had too many generals running around, so they decided to get rid of some of them.
They offered $10,000 in severance pay for each inch of their body - to be measured however they chose.
The Air Force general went first. He said he wanted to be measured from his head to his toe. He was 69 inches. He received $690,000.
Next up was the Army general. He wanted to be measured from the tip of his finger to the tip of his other finger. It was 80 inches. He received $800,000. The two generals were very happy with their earnings.
Finally the Marine general came up. He said he wanted to be measured from the tip of his d**k to the tip of his ваlls. The man said,
''Sir, do you know how much the other generals received?'' The general said no.
''Sir, they received $690,000 and $800,000 respectively, are you sure that is what you want measured?''
The general said,
''Just do it!''
The man dropped the general's pants and measured his d**k. When he went for the general's ваlls, they weren't there. The man said,
''Sir, where are your ваlls.''
The general said,
''I left them back in Vietnam.''
След разпадането на СССР в Америка рязко се понижило количеството на враговете. La Marine américaine avait un excédent d’hommes et a offert un programme d’incitation à la retraite. Поради излишък на моряци, американският флот създал програма стимулираща пенсионирането. The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. Трем пентагоновским генералам начисляют пенсию. A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis. There's 3 army generals and the government decides to pay them any way they want measured. First guy says measure from the tip of my toe to the end of my finger. So they do and its 73 inches so they pay him $730,000. The second guy does the same and gets paid $650,000. The third guy goes measure... Im Senat der Vereinigten Staaten wurde darüber diskutiert, ob denn nicht zu viele Generäle beschäftigt wären und man kam zu dem Schluss, eine Vorruhestandsregelung der folgenden Art einzuführen: Jeder General, der sich bereit erklärt, in den Vorruhestand zu gehen, bekommt eine anständige... Der amerikanische Verteidigungsminister beschließt, aufgrund einer Sparmaßnahme die drei dienstältesten Generäle zu entlassen. Er bestellt die drei Herren ins Pentagon und macht ihnen folgendes... Het Pentagon vond dat het te veel generaals in dienst had en besliste er een paar met vervroegd pensioen te sturen. Ze beloofden elke generaal die pensioneerde een volledig jaarinkomen en alle... O Pentágono descobre que está com muitos generais e bola um programa de aposentadoria voluntária. Como incentivo, decidiram dar 10 mil dólares por polegada medida numa linha entre dois pontos... USA’s flotta insåg att man hade för många officerare och beslöt sig för att locka med en avgångsbonus på $1000 för varje tum som man kunde mäta i en rät linje mellan två olika kroppsdelar.... Hæren har for nylig fundet ud af, at de har for mange generaler og har derfor tilbudt dem et "gyldent håndtryk". De har lovet enhver general, der trækker sig tilbage med det samme: En årsløn PLUS... Pentagonissa havaittiin, että armeijalla on liikaa kenraaleita, ja siksi jokaiselle vapaaehtoisesti eläkkeelle jäävälle tarjottiin erillistä bonusta. Bonuksen määrä saatiin siten, että kenraali sai... Drie Amerikaanse leger generaals gaan tegelijkertijd met pensioen, hun pensioen wordt uitgekeerd op de volgende manier: een lichaamsdeel tot een ander lichaamsdeel in cm en dat maal 5000 euro. De... A Pentagon elhatározza, hogy három magasrangú és hőstettekben nem szűkölködő tábornokát kitünteti. Ezúttal nem egyszerűen egy újabb éremmel, hanem pénzzel kívánják elismerni érdemeiket. Össze is... Resursele umane de la Pentagon descopera ca in ultima vreme aveau cam multi generali. Se hotaraste ca acelora care vor sa se pensioneze sa li se acorde pensionare anticipata cu toate facilitatile,... Tous sont des hommes âgés et grisonnants qui ont vu leur juste part de guerre, alors le Pentagone propose un système de bonus unique pour leur service. Ils peuvent choisir deux points de leur corps... Vláda se rozhodla, že vyplatí doživotní rentou vojenské veteráný bojující ve Vietnamu. Zašla proto za prvními třemi veterány. Renta se počítala tak, že každý veterán si zvolí dvě libovolné části... Az USA hadserege nyugdíjba vonulása alkalmából három tábornokot kíván megjutalmazni. Arra kérik őket, hogy adjanak meg tetszőlegesen két testrész között egy távolságot, azt lemérik és... Cierto día el Pentágono decide jubilar a tres generales que ya estaban bien entrados en anos proponiéndoles como contrapartida 100,000 dls. por cada metro que midiese entre dos partes de sus... V Rusku propouštějí do civilu staré vojáky. Výšku odstupného jim vypočítají tak, že si každý zvolí 2 části na těle, oni změří délku mezi nimi a podle toho vyplatí odstupné. Přijdou k prvnímu a ten...
Military Jokes Money jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Political Jokes Aviation Jokes
Чужденец лети с български самолет. Летит американец на самолёте российской авиакомпании. Подходит к нему стюардесса и спрашивает: Американски турист лети с руските авиолинии. Стюардесата пита: Num avião a comissária de bordo pergunta: Leci Amerykanin polskimi liniami lotniczymi. Podchodzi do niego miła stewardessa i pyta: - Życzy Pan sobie obiad? - A co jest do wyboru? - Tak lub nie. Uma aeromoça loira chegou para um passageiro e pergunta: — O senhor quer jantar? E o passageiro: — Quais são as opções? Ao que a aeromoça loira responde: — Sim ou não! It was mealtime during a flight on Blonde Airlines. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied. A flight attendant asks a man: - Sir, do you want something to drink? - What are my options? - Yes and No a aeromoça esta servindo a janta no avião e diz ao cliente: -o senhor vai querer jantar? ele responde: -quais são as opções? ela diz: -sim ou não né deeeeeeeeerrrrrr. E a aeromoça loira pergunta pro passageiro: — Aceita jantar? — Quais são as opções? — Sim... ou ... não! Stewardess az utashoz: - Uram, kér vacsorát? - Miből lehet választani? - Hát, igen vagy nem. Stewardesa către un călător: - Doriţi cina? - Ce pot să aleg? - Da sau nu. Amerikietis skrenda “Aerofloto” lėktuvu. Prieina stiuardesė: - Ar norite pusryčių? - O koks pasirinkimas? - Taip, arba ne.
Pilot Jokes Aviation Jokes
Παραμύθια - Тате, всички ли приказки започват с "Имало едно време .."? - Papá, ¿Todos los cuentos comienzan con "Había una Vez"? Син питає в батька: — Тату, а це правда, що всі казки починаються словами "Жили собі дід та баба... "? — Ні, синку. Справжні казки починаються словами: "Якщо ви проголосуєте за мене на виборах... " — Pai, todos os contos de fadas começam com "Era uma vez"? — Não, filho... Tem outros que começam assim: "Quando eu for eleito..." How do you start a fairy tale in the modern era? "If elected, I promise..."
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