A white-haired old man walked into a jewelry store on a Friday, with a beautiful young lady at his side.
"I'm looking for a special ring for my girlfriend," he said.
Our jeweler looked through our stock and took out an outstanding ring priced at $5,000. "I don't think you understand-I want something very unique," the man said.
At that, our now very excited jeweler went and fetched our special stock from the safe. "Here's one stunning ring at $40,000." The girl’s eyes sparkled, and the man said that he would take it. "How are you paying?" asked our jeweler.
"I'll pay by check; but of course the bank will want to make sure that everything is in order, so I'll write a check and you can phone the bank tomorrow, and then I'll fetch the ring on Monday."
Monday morning, our very disappointed jeweler phoned the man. "You lied, there's no money in that account." "I know, sorry, but can you imagine what a FANTASTIC weekend I had?"
The pentagon said they had too many generals running around, so they decided to get rid of some of them.
They offered $10,000 in severance pay for each inch of their body - to be measured however they chose.
The Air Force general went first. He said he wanted to be measured from his head to his toe. He was 69 inches. He received $690,000.
Next up was the Army general. He wanted to be measured from the tip of his finger to the tip of his other finger. It was 80 inches. He received $800,000. The two generals were very happy with their earnings.
Finally the Marine general came up. He said he wanted to be measured from the tip of his d**k to the tip of his ваlls. The man said,
''Sir, do you know how much the other generals received?'' The general said no.
''Sir, they received $690,000 and $800,000 respectively, are you sure that is what you want measured?''
The general said,
''Just do it!''
The man dropped the general's pants and measured his d**k. When he went for the general's ваlls, they weren't there. The man said,
''Sir, where are your ваlls.''
The general said,
''I left them back in Vietnam.''